I've emailed all the potential independent practicioners (there's 4 available locally at the time) with questions about home study, so we'll see what kind of replies we get. We're not in a hurry ~ too many things still up in the air ~ but at least one of them apparently isn't available until September, so it doesn't hurt to begin asking questions now. I'm thinking too that we might ask God for a deadline in waiting to hear about the local adoption, but again, i'm not feeling pushy or like i'm in a rush... just would like a better sense of direction before too long.

InCENTive

Lol... Brenden came up with that pun. Our kitchen floor hadn't had a proper cleaning for a while, so i decided to have some fun with it ~ or give the kids some fun with it. I took pennies, nickels, & dimes, and put one on each square. For every square the kids cleaned, they could keep the money that was on it. They had a few rules (to eliminate them cleaning only squares with dimes ~ lol), but they had fun, and the kitchen floor is looking pretty good in very short time. Brenden said the money was a good "inCENTive."

I talked with the person today who mentioned the possibility of a local adoption ~ he doesn't think that they have chosen someone else, but it sounds like they may be having a hard time with the decision, and might be reconsidering. We had almost put the idea behind us by now, but maybe we shouldn't do that just yet. Maybe it is still a possibility. Of course we'd be happy for them if they decided to keep the children (they are family after all), but i find myself wondering if this might be why we're feeling a bit like we're "on hold" for the time being. (And why we didn't make enough money at our garage sale to pay for a home study?? or win $5000?? lol).

I'd really like for Jonathan to have a better idea where he's at with his job/careers too... yesterday he was talking about going back to welding, possibly at a place where they might get him his journeyman's qualifications, at which point he could likely make it on his own quite well. If the farm would give him a $3/hr raise he might be happy to stay there ~ lol. (side note... i'd like to know how much the idea of organic dairy is still in his head/heart... either cows or goats). You know... there's a vacant farm nearby that doesn't seem to selling yet (and they've dropped the price), even though the housing market is going crazy around here ~ in some cases, houses selling for more than their listing price due to bidding wars... ??? God, where do YOU want us?

So much up in the air...

But today i had a picture of how i'm a bit like Peter who courageously stepped out onto the water, and as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus (faith), he stayed on top of the water, but when he began to look at the circumstances (reality) around him, he began to sink. I can't believe it took me this long to see this picture as it might relate to me. My intentions were not to take my eyes off of Jesus ~ i just wanted to be SURE without a shadow of a doubt that it was Jesus who told me to "come" (or adopt), and not just a brainwave that i came up with on my own. So when my brother emailed me about his concerns (mostly financial, but he threw in a few other things as well), i guess it was like he was telling me about the waves around me (all the possibilities that could seem difficult, trying, or ...impossible), and i decided to take another look. I know it wasn't his intention to take my eyes off of Jesus (one comment he made was that sometimes we want something so badly that we are sure it is God's will for us, so he was suggesting that we be sure), but maybe he hadn't seen Jesus in this picture yet??, and wanted to warn me of the waves?? Hmm...

So why am i still questioning God and asking for clarity? Where's the faith that I thought i had previously ~ believing that my healing will be completed as we move forward with the adoption stuff?? Well, maybe it's the fact that i recognize that faith "in faith" isn't enough (meaning, just because i decide to believe something doesn't mean it's going to happen/be that way)... while there is a lot of good to be said about positive thinking, positive thinking alone isn't going to hold me up on a chair with broken legs. ?? make any sense??

Well, in the midst of it all, I want to praise God! He knows what He's doing, He loves me in spite of myself, and even when/if things aren't clear, and might not make sense, I can rest in Him, trusting Him to work it all out for His glory. That's not to say i can passively sit and watch life go by while i "wait"... I believe He's given me things to do as i wait, and I don't want to miss those opportunities and blessings either...

On second thought...

Lol... i think i'll just pick up where we're at and not bother trying to post all my previous entries from my previous blog. It's taking me too long to get to them all, while i could just be sharing about today (and yesterday, and the last week, or two...).

Actually, it's been about a month since my last blog entry, so i'm feeling like i'm way behind already, but not much has been "happening" as far as the adoption thing is concerned anyway.

I've been dealing with some discouragement lately, although the last week has been much better again. There were several things that seemed to "come at me" in a short time that threw me off, and i think my hormones were out of balance too. I found myself tempted to just give up the idea of international adoption. I was considering handing all the papers/information over to Jonathan and telling him to just do with them whatever he wanted, but somehow i couldn't bring myself to that point. In fact, later that evening when i suggested to him what i'd been thinking earlier, he was going to just put them on the floor for the time being (this was at bed-time) ~ where i knew they'd quickly get burried under his clothes and stuff, or pushed under the bed, etc. I suggested there was a folder in the filing cabinet where he could put them if he felt like it :-) ...lol.

Several of the incidents had to do with family members, but i won't go into details. I don't think any of them had bad motives, but i still felt somewhat attacked... and so when i also had some physical issues to deal with, it all just about seemed like too much ~ like maybe adoption wouldn't be such a good thing for us.

One of the verses that came to me more than once is Galatians 5:7 "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and ketp you from obeying the truth?" Luke 9:62 is another one that i've thought of ~ where Jesus is talking about those who put their hand to the plow and look back...

I recognized that it wasn't a good time to make any decisions, so we decided to just wait it out, and see what the next week brought.

Can't remember the exact dates, but "the next week" brought some encouragement. One of my cousins connected us with a friend of hers who has recently adopted from Ethiopia, so this lady called me. It was refreshing to talk about adoption again, and encouraging to hear her thoughts, experiences & perspectives. This lady also told me about a message board for Canadians considering (and pursuing) international adoption. That message board is a great source of encouragement and support, and has already helped me feel like we're getting back on track with things... although, a little more slowly or cautiously perhaps. Of course, part of the "slow" is that we can't really get much further without money. And we were nearly to that point anyway, where we'd be ready and just waiting for the money to be in place ~ for home study, and the retainer agreement for the agency to begin actually "working" with/for us.

Property taxes are due about this time of year (end of May for the best discount, end of June for partial discount), so since we didn't have money saved for that, it'll be a bit tight as it is. We're also planning to build a deck for our back door ~ nothing too extravagant, but still, it will cost money. Jonathan's parents are hoping to come out in June/July and his dad is hoping to help us build a deck. We don't want to say no to that kind offer (they suggested it).

We had a garage sale this last weekend, and i was hopeful that we'd make quite a bit of money there, but the turn out wasn't nearly as good as usual, so we didn't do too well. Better than nothing though.

So there's a little update on us...

Moving...

...my blog that is.

Long story, but i felt i needed to move to a new blog to continue posting freely about the things going on in my life. To keep things kind of flowing, beginning with our possible adoption journey, i've decided to transfer some previous posts/ journal entries to my new blog, so bear with me while i try to "catch up."

Thanks :-)