Well, it doesn't look too promising yet to get a diagnosis and/or special funding. I only talked briefly with our facilitator about that (my priority the day that i finally got to talk with her was about the year end testing that we did this year), but she said something about there being like two levels of "special needs" and that we didn't fit the category that supposedly gets the help??? Not sure i followed, and i've invited her to share the information with me that she mentioned... but i haven't heard back from her yet. I might try sending another email ~ for what it's worth.

The testing was something new for us. It's standardized testing, like the CTBS tests that I used to do in school. We did the usual year end report with portfolio, etc. for Brenden, but the other three did the testing. When i first got all the information and books, it was a bit overwhelming, but i managed to figure it all out just fine and enjoyed it (mostly). Janique got really frustrated with it ~ she doesn't really perform as well under pressure, so when the timer went and she wasn't done, it really disturbed her. I think we managed to make an ok arrangement there (allow her to finish, but make a note of where she was at when the timer went, and just score her on what she had done up to there). Then her second test, she messed up when she accidentally skipped a page, but kept going in sequence on her answer sheet. That one was a bit of a mess, and she scored poorly as a result. She did have a few good ones, but then the math tests were a real challenge for her. She's really struggling there ~ maybe more than i thought. Some of her scoring was certainly affected by the time limit, but i wonder if it might be beneficial to have her tested for a possible (mild) learning issue. (When/if we ever get there with Brenden ~ and, btw, a cousin mentioned a pediatrician that might be worth seeing... altho it likely wouldn't be an "official" diagnosis, it might be a place to begin, and it sounds like there is a support group with resources or something??). Darwin & Reagan enjoyed the testing, and both did really well overall. Darwin was a bit weak in math (which we already knew), but scored really high in most other areas (higher than i expected). Reagan shows weakness in grammer and comprehension (which i expected as well), but fine everywhere else, and especially strong in math. I'm wondering if it might be beneficial to have Janique checked for a possible (minor) learning issue.

Jonathan's workplace finally (last week) went to 3 shifts (milking)/day, so he doesn't have to get up at 3am anymore! 5am is nicer. But, they only have one person for the night shift, so it's taking a bit longer, and is more work intense. Because it's not ideal to have someone working alone, they suggested maybe our boys wanted to come and help (with post-dipping and cleaning ~ we won't send them to get cows because there is a bull in one of the groups, and it's just too dangerous for them anyway). Darwin went the first time, and was able to help some, but because he's still so short it is really too dangerous. By the time he can reach the cows (the utter), his head is too close and at risk if the cow decided to kick. Still, both Brenden & Darwin went along the second time... they got home at 3:30am. YUCK! That doesn't make it a whole lot better than the early morning shift, except that we're hoping he won't have too many night shifts. And, if he works the night, he gets the next morning off. Of course, the whole schedule is different again... another adjustment. We're curious for the end of the month to see what (if any) his raise is going to be. Not that we're expecting anything too significant. Jonathan had already told me earlier that he's decided to find something else. He's missing out on too much family life ~ when he isn't at work, he's too tired to do much. The other day the kids went to my sister's place for a few hours, so i was looking forward to some time at home with just Jonathan... he slept most of the time.

He hasn't heard back from any of the places he's applied recently (only two places, but still). Maybe it's time to follow up. And i think he might need to change his resume ~ it's heavy with his computer training, etc. and most of these jobs aren't that reliant on computer training (altho the computer skills are an asset and certainly worth mentioning). If only he wasn't always too busy at work, or too tired from work, to actually do the follow up. Today i've been really frustrated with his job again because i was anxiously waiting for him to get home this morning to discuss a bunch of things (some of them a bit time-sensitive)... and he ended up staying at work. Sometimes the unpredictability is annoying.

Adoption? Jonathan finally got to talk with the social worker about 2 weeks ago. She's not exactly sure how it all works from the adoption end of it since she works more with the fostering part, but of course, the best case senario would be to keep all three children together. I don't see that as ideal for us (long explanation), altho we haven't met the middle child, so we're not really sure what he's like. The SW doesn't really think they will all go together, but if we were trying to adopt just one or two, we could end up fostering to adopt for a year and then have to give her/them up if someone wanted all three. I tried to call our adoption worker last week, but didn't get a reply and didn't try again. I'm just not as sure about this one as Jonathan is, so i'm leaving it up to him to get the information.

My heart, i think, still seems to be turned toward Ethiopia, but it seems Jonathan is more interested in pursuing this little girl/family... so it kind of feels like maybe we're not quite on the same page at this point. Part of me is feeling a little impatient at just being in limbo, but another part of me is at peace... trusting God to work it all out in His good time. Today, with my frustration about Jonathan's job (and maybe the disappointment of him not coming home this morning), i feel like just giving up on the whole thing. But i'm pretty sure that won't happen. I think it will keep coming back until it happens (the idea of adoption).

I suggested the other night that we all pray and ask God to give us dreams of the child(ren) we should pursue adopting (more specifically, either the little girl Jonathan wants, or Ethiopian adoption). The kids didn't have any dreams that they remembered. Jonathan's dream was about this little girl, and my dream was that we were adopting a sweet 3yr.old African boy. Lol... so i'm not sure if we're any further ahead there either. I did find it interesting though that my dream was about a boy... if it had been purely based on my desires, it would've been a girl. (Did my new baby-sitting job influence me?? I'm watching two little boys ~ 2 & 4yrs. old).

I started my baby-sitting job on Tuesday. It's part-time, and it seems to be a good fit for us so far. The boys like to go from one thing to the next fairly quickly, so we'll have to find balance in that. The first day they were really clingy and didn't want their mom to leave, but the minute she was out of sight they started talking and playing, and the next day they were asking to come back.

Oh, starting in August, i'll probably be watching my sister's boys one or two days/week. Those boys keep us BUSY! I wouldn't be interested in every day, but she asked me for one day/week, and that i can probably do (if nothing else, let the kids earn some extra money ~ altho i could use it too). And this would only be until they could find a replacement for her at the pizza place so that she can be home with her boys. (Her husband is finally back to work full time, so they're managing financially ~ in fact, she said she's basically working to pay for daycare since their funding got cut due to income).

sorry this is so long... i guess i had some catching up to do

I was just looking for some info about our home school year end reporting stuff, and came across a paper from Saskatchewan Learning that was sent to us in a recent mailing from our local school division. On there I found information saying that school divisions are required to provide access to testing & diagnosis at our request. It also states that "home-based students with designated disabilities receive provincial financial support."

I'm so excited and so upset ~ excited to have the information on paper from Sask. Learning, and upset that we haven't been getting any of this in spite of having asked for it, etc. Besides that, I'm frustrated that we've been so complacent about it all this time... always just accepting what they say, and doing our best with what we have... la de da. Part of that too has been a desire to have as little "interference" as possible with our home schooling and recognizing that what they think is best for him might not be what we think is best for him, in which case, we might be better off without their help. Not sure if that makes sense, but hopefully...

Now I am ready to advocate for my son! I've sent an email to our facilitator asking if there is someone in the local school division we need to talk with, or if we should be going directly to Sask. Learning. I'm ready to go to our MP if necessary... (time for quiet little me to get out of my "middle child" personality and pretend i'm a firstborn?? lol).

Changing gears again??

Life can be really quite interesting...

My sister & bil are foster parents, and one of their first placements included a little 2yr. old girl. We had her over one or two times, and she really took well to us. At one point, I was sitting on the floor playing with her. She wandered off to the piano, and I just sat and watched her. I got thinking about our plans to adopt, and wondered how the bonding and adjustments would go with adopting an older child (older as in not a baby) ~ just trying to think realistically about it, and wondering if the child(ren) would connect with us easily... stuff like that. I was quietly thinking this all to myself, and just like that, this little girl turned around, ran toward me, and threw her arms around me. That moment felt like a "God moment" ~ confirmation that it would all work out just fine, and that adoption was/is the right direction for us.

This little girl really took to Jonathan too ~ frequently running up to him to be held, and to hug him. She really liked my dad too. At a family gathering, she ran back and forth between several of us, just coming for love, and when she started to get grumpy, Jonathan just held her and she went to sleep in his arms. My dad suggested, "why don't you just adopt her?" (rather than international adoption). Well, we didn't think it'd be an option. The waiting list for adoption is usually pretty long, although most people are probably waiting to adopt infants.

We were saddened when we found out that she'd been moved to a different foster home, but this is life, right?

Well, this afternoon, my sister called to tell me she'd talked with a social worker. Apparently this little girl will be eligible for adoption later on this summer... and my sister told the social worker about a comment Jonathan had made at one point ~ he said, "I'd adopt her in a heart beat." The social worker told her to put a bug in our ears... that we should apply. She herself would do our home study. My sister didn't mention that we already have four children, so I'm curious to find out if that would be an issue. We called and left a message for the social worker, and we're waiting to hear back from her. It sounded like she'd be out most of the day, and by now I don't expect to hear from her until for sure tomorrow.

Our children are all excited about the possibility (well, Brenden's excitement is his usual "fine if we do, fine if we don't" with a smile on his face)... so that's a plus. I'm a bit mixed with my emotions... but certainly open to the possibility of God's leading here. Might sound strange, but in thinking international adoption, we were pretty much set on adopting 2 children. If we adopt one now (locally), would we still go for two from Ethiopia later? But I don't need to be living too far into the future, right? Just allow God to lead one step at a time... and keep praying!

Oh, when I mentioned this all to Jonathan, he told me that he's still been praying for this little girl. I'm encouraged!

Again... it's all part of the process one way or another. If it doesn't work out for us to adopt her, we will have learned something and/or be more prepared for whatever or wherever God is leading.

Hmm... where was i at??

I don't remember for sure what i was going to mention about the adoption stuff last time, so i'll just go with where i'm at today :-)

We heard back from three of the four independent practitioners that we emailed last week. The first one that we heard back from sounds the most interested in doing our home study, so we will most likely go with her. There is one other one we might consider since she was recommended to us by another family who just adopted from Ethiopia... but i guess there's a few things we'll have to weigh out.

I'm really enjoying the international adoption message board that i was introduced too ~ it's encouraging and inspiring, and keeps me wanting to move forward with adoption. At the same time, i do have mixed emotions from time to time, but it seems that God is leading and speaking in and through so many things that we still feel like we're "on track" although the time frame isn't clear.

Jonathan applied for a different job today ~ we found a job listing in a nearby town, and it sounds/looks like something he might enjoy at a wage we would really appreciate! They are taking resumes for another week or so, and then they'll do interviews. It would be hard for him to leave the farm short-handed (he would give sufficient notice, but it's still hard to walk away from such nice people), but he's tired! Too many hours (and too early in the am) for the pay, and too many other factors that come with the territory there. One other employee just gave notice that she's leaving, so they'll be looking for someone else now too, and another employee is talking of leaving too... possibly by the end of the month as well. So if Jonathan left too soon, it would be a big blow to the farm, and we don't really want to do that either, but if this other job comes to him it would be very tempting to take it. More prayers for direction...

Actually, i've been struggling with the idea of "being content" and even just struggling to know what that really means ~ considering 1 Tim.6:8 "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." And the verses before and after that talking about the love of money, and how destructive it can be...

Does contentment always mean that we shouldn't strive for more? I know it's not just about the money... and in this situation, we're annoyed at the amount of time and energy that goes into the job. If it was our own farm where we were working at something together, and the children (or I) could be working "with" Jonathan, a 50-hour week wouldn't be a big deal. But here he is away from home so many hours of the day, and too tired when he is home, to really interact and "parent" a lot. So we all just feel like something has to give.

There are times when people say things like "that's all he's getting paid?? he should be getting at least ____!" And, "i don't know how you do it on such a small (single) income!" and i probably feed my sense of discontent and think about how poor we are... rather than recognizing that money isn't that big of a deal, and rearranging my focus. Truth is, we have a small income, and a BIG GOD! Every comment we get should be an opportunity for us to glorify God and testify to His goodness! We have everything we need and a whole lot more! We don't have everything we "want" but we have all we need. In most situations, appliances and furniture deteriorate and eventually break down, but that doesn't mean ours has to, right? The Bible also teaches us not to worry about tomorrow... tomorrow will worry about itself.

So I'm honestly not sure where "contentment" fits in the big picture here... or where I need to be at in all of it. In talking briefly with my sister earlier today, I kind of came to thinking that i just need to surrender myself and desires to God ~ and ask Him to give me contentment if this is where He wants us, or to continue to give us discontent (and direction!) if He wants us somewhere else.

Wow, i need to be posting more often. So much is happening that i can't "keep up" here ~ ha ha.

Ok, we did garage sale again last weekend since the weekend before didn't do as well as we'd hoped, and because it was convenient since it was all set up anyway. I almost couldn't have cared less, but my friend was really hoping to get rid of more stuff, so we did a little on Thursday, a good chunk of Friday, and then again Saturday morning (which i thought we had decided not to do when I agreed to let her stay Friday night when i had to take Reagan for a soccer game), but whatever... it all worked out ok. I didn't have high expectations for this weekend since it wasn't town-wide sales, so what we did sell was just nice to get rid of (and money we didn't have before). But it sure made for a busy weekend, and the house really showed the results later. (Think about 8 children, water fights, sandbox, dirt, feeding all these mouths, but being available to run out for customers at any point... ya, you probably get the picture ~ lol). The tables we used were borrowed from the church, and needed to be back for Saturday night, so that was priority after lunch (and lunch was probably close to 2pm ~ lol).

Then we had been tentatively planning for care group at our house for Saturday night (our house is the only one that is really suitable for us all at this point), but fortunately that got changed to Sunday night. About Thursday or so i found out i was serving at a function at church on Sunday afternoon, so that meant (as far as i could figure out) that any work i wanted to get done before care group, HAD to be done on Saturday. But I also needed to put together my Sunday school lesson before Sunday morning. The kids were not super helpful, and Jonathan was somewhere between tired and a sore back, so i didn't get a lot of help there either. Altogether it didn't make for a very relaxed or content "mom/wife" but i tried not to stress too much either. I would only do what i could practically do, and that would be good enough.

Care group went ok (i ended up having enough time between lunch and serving to get a few things ready, and Jonathan & the kids were more helpful then too). Some of the others brought some snacks too, so that worked out well (plus we ended up with some left-overs at the church event that we could serve that evening as well). I think i finally identified why i'm not relaxed at care group with little Robbie (my nephew) here... because of his Down Syndrome, he's a very busy boy. Our kids are trying to "baby-sit" downstairs so the adults can have uninterrupted time to watch the video (we're going through a series by Gary Smalley about relationships), but Robbie keeps coming upstairs, and because he's so strong, the kids can't really force him to stay, and we don't want to do that anyway... but he is a distraction upstairs. If they try too hard, he cries and wants "mommie." I feel badly when she can't just relax and watch, but he really is too much for our children to keep too long... so i'm feeling "responsible" for my kids keeping him happy/content, and yet i know it's an unrealistic expectation, so i don't push them too hard on that. The best thing would be for someone nearby to watch him in their home. His parents would like that too, and they do have funding for baby-sitting because of his special needs, but have a hard time getting sitters.

Darwin is excited to have been called back to work for the chicken farm. We weren't sure if they'd need him since it sounded like he was just filling in for someone else last time, but they did call him back. So I think he'll be doing about two days / week (today was only an hour ~ they worked hard/fast, but usually not more than two hours) for 4 weeks or so, then two weeks off, and again for 4 weeks... something like that, but no idea how long again.

Talking about jobs... it looks like i have a part-time baby-sitting job starting at the end of June. I've pondered what I could do to help us out a bit financially, and the idea of baby-sitting started to sit ok with me in the last week or so. I was kind of praying for direction, and i think God may have placed that desire there to take in a few children. I thought maybe i'd check into it at our family resource center ~ they have a list for those needing sitters and/or wanting to provide child care, but before i got there, i saw an ad at the post office/store and called the family. I was thinking maybe a summer job, but if this one works out ok it'd be ideal for us as a home school family since it's mostly just a few hours in the afternoon, but with flexibility for extra hours, and a few short mornings and full days. It was kind of funny... she & her boys came to meet us this afternoon, and after chatting and all, we made the connection that we're related (it took me that long to recognize her too ~ which is crazy cause Jonathan said he remembers her from when she worked at the store, etc. so i know i've had to have seen her often enough, but never made the connection ~ lol ~ i'm just not a "people person" i guess). So it looks like God may have answered this prayer before it was really spoken... and how possibly ideal.

Well, i've got a few more thoughts (more about the adoption stuff) but it's getting late, so i'll save it :-)