Answers and questions

So now we know why the employer letter was so hard to get... the boss had no intention of getting it! They let Jonathan go yesterday. Said he "didn't fit in" (which is probably true ~ Jonathan really is too nice for the negative environment). So he has no job, no employer, and therefore, no "employer letter" which means everything "adoption" is on hold indefinately. We've been dealing with some of the emotions... and there are many. I think a risk now is that we might be tempted to take any job (with a half decent wage) that comes along just to get going again, and then who knows how long this cycle will continue? It might help if Jonathan knew what he wanted to do for a living. (That might be the hardest part for me...) I think his heart is still on the farm, but after leaving twice, i'm not sure they'll want him back... and with the exception of the wage increase he got when he left, the rest of the issues are still there. (weekend work, too many hours ~ 40hr. week doesn't pay enough, no benefits, no compensation, stuff like that). And it seems he still would like to go out on his own ~ welding ~ so how content would he be farming full-time again?

We are wondering what God is planning through all of this. At this point, I have NO idea where God is leading us as far as a job.

My little girl is an unhappy camper today ~ some major teething issues going on I think. Actually, i wondered about that the other week too ~ that possibly the reason she was so miserable had a lot to do with not feeling well ~ as much as, or more than the adjustment issue. She had a very runny nose that week, and she's got it again today. A few other symptoms common with teething too. So i'm not getting a lot done today, but i wasn't counting on it anyway.

I'm stressing less about the watch thing... still bugs me, but i can't do anything about it until i can do something about it ~ lol. I'm not making an extra trip into the city just for that. So i've been able to at least set it aside for the time being. And i think/hope that the family relationship issues will be resolved too...

Adoption... it's a bit frustrating to be waiting so long at this end knowing the "long" wait is still ahead of us. But God knows where it's at, and He sees the big picture, so we're not going to get uptight about it. Right now i think the only thing we're waiting for is the employer letters with original signatures. We're not sure why his boss (branch manager) can't just do up the letter here in Saskatoon ~ why does the Alberta branch manager need to do it?? And then, how many times do you ask your new boss if he's taken care of it already? Or do you just jump to the top guy on your own (and risk offending your new boss ~ while still on probation).

Our social worker is allowing us to bring our age range of acceptance up to 60mos. as we had wanted originally... after we shared a summary of information from other families who have adopted older children from Ethiopia. This is, providing our adoption worker has no objections. They will probably be discussing it today and then the amendment papers will be written up and we'll have to sign again. So our request is two siblings ~ older girl (24-60mos), younger boy or girl (6-36mos. ~ or might be 6-30mos.). That was about the easiest way to simplify it.

Guess i'm not too faithful with blogging at times... not that i don't have things to talk about, but i think sometimes i find it hard to put my thoughts into words ~ or probably (more likely) i just don't take the time to do it. Usually when i sit down and start, it comes along just fine.

So my little girl did really well yesterday ~ the only exception being that the dog got too noisy and ruined her nap. After a bottle she was fine anyway, until about 1/2 hour before her mom came to pick her up and then she was getting impatient/restless and a bit grumpier.

Sure, now that her mom is quitting her job, she's finally getting settled here ~ lol ~ but we all knew it was a matter of adjusting, and i really don't think her mom will regret being home with her precious little daughter. Maybe she'll find something part time, or maybe she'll wait until her child(ren?) will be in school?? And either way, it is rewarding for us to see how she came around and has warmed up to us all. Yesterday the kids really had her laughing and goofing off... just having fun with her. We haven't gotten a ton of "school" done recently (although we have done some), but the kids are learning "life" which has value beyond just book knowledge.

I read something the other day that i know i've heard or read before, but it was good to read it again... in homeschooling, our desire is not just to "fill a bucket" but rather to "light a fire." Another line I read a while back was "we're not teaching subjects; we're teaching children." It's hard for me to keep both these things in perspective sometimes. So when I'm thinking "you guys should be doing your school" and i look at what they are doing... reading books, writing stories, etc... sometimes i just have to smile and let it go at that. Even so, Reagan finished his math book (the one he started in October or so??). He's ahead of the others by more all the time. Janique is into the book that Reagan just finished, and so far she's doing well with it. Darwin is about half-way through it. Brenden has made good progress this year since i've started doing a lot of it with him. He gets distracted so easily that it takes him a LONG time to do it alone. Eventually though he does need to learn to maintain that focus on his own, so we're working on that too.

I've been feeling some stress lately... and i'm surprised at how much it's affecting me. Crazy little issue really ~ NOT worth the stress it's been causing. My watch battery died, so i took it to the jewelry store where Jonathan bought it (like 12 yrs ago or so) and where I always take it for new batteries. There was nothing wrong with the watch when i brought it in, but after they changed the battery, the clasp wouldn't hold shut. It was REALLY mind boggling... I was stunned, and told them right away that it wasn't holding. We checked it out (the lady who changed the battery insisted she hadn't touched anything but the battery), and there was a big gap where it should hold shut ~ like 1/16". I wondered if something had fallen off, but nothing was missing. She offered to try bending it to fit, and i let her try (thinking she "should" know what she's doing), but she said she couldn't get it. After much confusion, they offered to send it to their watch maker... to which i (almost reluctantly) agreed. Nothing was mentioned about who was going to pay for it. So yesterday Jonathan picked it up for me... and it cost him $30!!! Their watch maker (with "35yrs of experience") apparently couldn't fix it either, so he replaced the entire clasp. They returned my old clasp in case i wanted to keep the chain for a spare. So, when he brought it home last night, we looked at the old one, we looked at the new one... figured out what was different/wrong and then Jonathan went and bent the old one back into place to fit perfectly fine! Hello??? So at first I thought we'd have them take off the new clasp and put the old one back on, but the truth is, I don't trust them anymore! (Did i mention... a few years back when i had my battery replaced, they put in an old used battery... it died within days, and when i went in about it, they didn't want to believe that they had just replaced it because it wasn't the kind of batteries they used ~ i've never had anyone else replace the batteries, so they must have taken someone else's old battery and put it in my watch ~ unfortunately i hadn't kept the receipt, but they did finally replace it anyway, and i save my receipts now). So this morning i carefully removed the new clasp, put the old one back on, and i'm planning to return the new one and ask for a refund! I'm not obnoxious though, so we'll see how far i get...

The other issue that's nagging is some family relationship stuff... i finally addressed it briefly by email today so we'll see if the other "party" is willing to talk about it now or not. I've pushed it aside long enough, hoping it would just clear up and become a non-issue, but it's not going away. It's actually snowballing some... or maybe more like Jean Lush (think it's her) talks about the pot getting too full and boiling over?? (i'm trying to deal with it before it boils over because i can tell it's getting fuller). Besides "not going away" it seems to potentially be interfering in a few other family relationships. So it's time to deal with it!

Back to everyday stuff... tomorrow is our last day to babysit this little girl. I think we'll miss her. Lol... i was commenting about it being her last day here (tomorrow), and asked Darwin if he'd be glad for us to be done babysitting... (until the next job ~ lol). His comment was something like, "I enjoy babysitting so much that it's distracting me from doing school." Whew! I thought that was pretty good! It will probably be nice to have a little break again though. The other lady never called me back, so i'm assuming she's found someone else. Whatever...

So i guess i haven't said much about the adoption stuff yet... guess it'll have to be later in another post. And i didn't proof-read... i seldom do... so ignore the mistakes unless they are really bad (in that case let me know ~ lol).

Could be a long day

It looks like today might be a VERY long day. I've got 5 of my sister's boys over today (including the 1yr.old) and I was hoping my little girl would be happy for a playmate, but it's not really a big deal to her ~ unless she's more annoyed than usual? She's crying quite a bit again this morning, and seeming a bit less content to sit on my lap. She's fine if i'm carrying her, but if i'm going to hold her as much as i have been, i prefer to do that sitting. Poor girl misses her mom SO much. Only 4 more days after today ~ lol. I still love her in spite of all the crying ~ God's grace!

But i better run...

We have light again! After our ceiling fan died on Sunday, i checked for sales, and found a pretty good fan at Canadian Tire online ~ at 60% off. When Jonathan went to the store to get one on Monday, they said it wasn't on sale. Hmm, whatever... so on Wednesday I checked it out again, and it was still listed at that price on the website, so I called a store in the city. Same story... not on sale, and it hadn't ever been that cheap, but he wasn't sure what to make of the online thing, so he asked customer service who said if we bring in a print out of the page online, they would honor it in store too. (The website indicated that the fan was available in store too). So we were pleased to get a good deal. My dad came tonight to help put it in.

Today was another long day... besides my little girl who was still missing mommy, i had my nephew Robbie over too all afternoon til about 7 or so. He was supposedly tired and i had him sleeping beautifully at one point, put him down, and 10 minutes later he was awake and playing piano ~ ??? I tried a few more times to get him to sleep, but with the little girl needing to be held often, it just didn't work out too well. And after she went home, i tried rocking him to sleep for nearly half an hour and then just gave up. Oh well...

Looking forward to catching up a bit tomorrow... housework has kind of been less important this week, while i've done LOTS of rocking chair time (generally speaking, i'd rather be rocking/cuddling babies than doing housework anyway).

But once again, it's bed time :-)

So, my feeling wasn't too far off... she gave her two weeks notice yesterday. She'll likely be looking for something part time, but full-time is too much. I don't blame her!



The little girl did really well today ~ she wasn't crying as much, she was playing more (even exploring some!), and overall more content and happy! We're happy to see her settle in, even if it won't be for long... but maybe she'll be back part-time??

Jonathan & I had a wonderful evening out. Our pastors put on a Valentines banquet for couples at church tonight, and it was awesome! I had a nasty headache most of the afternoon and well into the evening (just about ruined my evening), but it finally cleared up after supper/eating, and i was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

And now it's getting WAY late, and i haven't been sleeping well enough at night to be getting up at these early hours... so i better get going.

Hmm, somehow i have this feeling that i might be out of a babysitting job before long... and that a sweet little girl will have a stay-at-home mom.

Today might have gone better overall ~ in the sense that we did have a few happy moments, and a few long stretches without crying. But the crying has been enough that at times i thought i was hearing it when i wasn't ~ lol. I was looking forward to cuddling a baby again, and i've had PLENTY of opportunity for that. She doesn't "always" cuddle ~ sometimes she doesn't want to stay on my lap ~ but she's probably done at LEAST as much time on my lap as playing on the floor or walking around.

Her daddy got home early, so he came by to pick up his little girl. He said that "M" didn't like her job before, so now to leave a crying baby behind doesn't make it any better, and it doesn't sound like her work place really wants to accomodate her requests for part-time... hmm... we'll see.

I still haven't heard back from the other mom who called me about watching her two girls, so maybe i'll have to check back with her to see if she found someone else (she would've liked someone to come to her home ~ not practical for me with another baby here) or what's up. I haven't felt too impatient ~ but i'm a bit curious where it's at.

Anyway, i guess i should try and come up with something for supper, and then i think i'll see (if Jonathan gets home at a decent time) if we can do some much needed grocery shopping.

More boot camp

Last week I only had my little girl one day ~ Monday. The rest of the week she and her mom were sick (and she wasn't scheduled for Friday). That one day went really well.

This week has been a totally different story. We've had a lot of crying, and missing "mommy." Monday was long because her mom had an appointment after work, but yesterday wasn't easy either ~ every time one of the kids opened/closed the front door, she was in tears ~ and at times, screaming/crying.

This morning her mom came in with her in hopes that she'd settle better, but it actually turned out worse. She's sitting here on my lap and mostly "content" (if you can call it that), but it looks like it could be another long day.

Full-time babysitting is a bit of an adjustment for all of us. Of course, if every day was like the first day, it probably wouldn't be a terribly difficult adjustment, but i feel badly for the poor girl who is having such a hard time with it all, and for the mom who's heart probably rips a little everytime she has to leave her crying daughter.

Personally I'm a little surprised by all the emotions involved... feels a bit like training (boot camp) for our pending adoption. Scarey?? Lol... maybe a little sometimes. It is common for adopted children to cry a lot in the first days or months ~ and who can blame them? But it's hard for most of us to hear the crying and sometimes be totally helpless to calm the child. The reading i've done already is coming back to give some perspective, so that's a good thing... ex. "don't take it personally."

Ok, she's done sitting here... more later (maybe ~ lol)

Today when we came home from church, something smelled strange. First smell at the door, some of us thought it almost smelled like some kind of freshly baked bread (maybe a sourdough type of bread?), but Darwin said "no, it stinks!" As we walked up the stairs and into the kitchen, i realized he was right... it DID stink! Something smelled burnt, like burning plastic? or, burned electonics, i thought. After checking through the house, we focused on the kitchen, and finally determined it was the ceiling fan. Strange... we'd turned it on before we left for church because there was ice building up on the garden doors, and it was on high, or almost high speed when we left, but now it was only going slowly. We ended up pulling it down and something in there was definately fried... and the wires were obviously getting hot. I guess we're not exactly sure what would've happened if we hadn't noticed... but we are thankful that we came home when we did. Earlier we had considered packing a bag lunch and going out after church (to an event in the city)... but weren't sure because of the very cold weather. (After this we ended up staying home). Praise God for taking care of everything! I think i'll try to appreciate the dim lighting in there til we get it replaced (i tend to like it bright)...

Ok, Reagan is WAITING for me to play scrabble with him ~ lol ~ so i better go. I guess i'm the one who got him into the game in the first place :-)

Somehow, it wouldn't surprise me if Jonathan doesn't keep this job long term... not exactly sure why i feel that way. He's still doing a shift at the farm ~ milking ~ about once every week or two, and looks forward to it every time. He is committed to staying at his new job long enough to give it a fair shot ~ so when he gets to helping install the rotary parlour and robotic milkers he might feel more like he's gettin into it. Really, there is a lot to learn and that could be an overwhelming feeling.


Maybe it's all just part of the adjusting... but i think i'm almost a bit reluctant to "adjust" only to have the routine changed again before long.



I've got my older sister's boys over today ~ finally got the little guy down for a nap, so we have a little break from running after him. He's an opportunity for God to teach us a lot! (mainly patience, but probably a lot of other things too ~ including "child-proofing skills?" lol).



My other little girl only came Monday. Both she and her mom ended up sick, so pray they are feeling better soon! And i'm still waiting to hear from the other family when they need me to start.

On Thursday i brought the rest of our paperwork to our adoption worker. With the exception of a few required signatures, our dossier is complete. It feels good to have that part done... but the wait ahead feels like a long time. I guess if i keep it in perspective, it's been almost a year since we first began to seriously consider adoption, and that year has gone by very quickly. And it's not like i don't have things keeping me busy.

I'm looking forward to doing the testing again for our homeschool year end ~ even though we're a few months away from that yet. Janique didn't enjoy it much last year, so i wasn't sure if we'd make her do it again this year, but i think we'll have her try again. We'll look at last year like a "learning" experience, and this year should be a bit easier.

Anyway, should see if there's anything else i need to get done while the little guy is sleeping...

Another offer

I don't have my little girl today ~ her mom wasn't feeling well and took the day off. But i've got my sister's little guy today ~ he's sleeping right now.

And I also got another baby-sitting job offer ~ lol. For two more little girls! Their mom is probably taking the place of the other one that i just finished baby-sitting for, so some rotating shifts, but mostly i'll get the day shifts since her husband is home evenings.

I'm amazed at how God has brought me to this point! He has done and IS doing an amazing work in my life, and i hope that in my enthusiasm, i don't get ahead of Him and His purpose!

Yesterday i found out that i'm going to be out of a baby-sitting job as of tomorrow (i have the boys for the day tomorrow, and then she's on sick leave followed by maternity leave). Ok, that's fine ~ when possible, i think it's great for mom's to be home with their children... but i was wondering where that leaves me. (She said she'd still be asking me to watch her boys once in a while just for her own sanity ~ which is fine with me too). I was getting about $200/month from this job, so not a lot, but it makes a difference. (Can't remember if i mentioned, the other job didn't last long ~ she quit her job after a few weeks).

So i've been wondering what to do... do i look for more kids to watch in my home, or look for a different source of income? or just trust God to provide in other ways?

Today after church, our pastor's wife had just been talking with a young family, and then she looked over at me just a few feet away and casually asked "have you ever considered baby-sitting?" So she connected me with this couple who was looking for someone to watch their little girl! (A GIRL!!! ~ lol... just excited because we usually have boys, boys and more boys). She's not sure yet what her hours will be, but i'm flexible with evenings and short notice, so we'll see how it all works out. She wasn't too keen on the "daycare" setting that she'd checked out, so she's happy to have us. I start tomorrow morning.

I'm just amazed (and feeling blessed) at how God is always just ahead of me on these baby-sitting jobs! I hadn't even prayed yet, and God brought this one right to me!

karen

Been an interesting week...

It's been COLD most of the week ~ today i'm not even sure what the temperature was (in the minus 20's i think), but it felt pretty nice! I shovelled snow for my mom & dad (my dad is recovering from surgery), so i got to enjoy some fresh air and do a little "exercise."

On Tuesday morning (about 10-11am?) i had a little temporary scare. I was downstairs and the kids were upstairs when someone showed up at the door. The kids got there just ahead of me, but the lady asked to come in for a bit. It was only when she was coming in that I recognized her as a police officer. Umm, I'm sure the blood drained from my face (that's what it felt like) as the worst case senario played into my imagination. I was relieved when she said a vehicle down the street had been stolen and questioned if we'd noticed anything. Unfortunately we weren't able to help (i actually slept quite well that night) and i do feel badly for the family who's vehicle it was. There was a little funny side to this though... I was still in my pj's! I'd thought about getting dressed first thing in the morning... but i was trying out a new pair of flannel pj's (sleeper style) and they are just SO cozy! I reasoned that i wasn't expecting anyone until afternoon (the boys i baby-sit), so it'd be ok to wear them til lunch time. Lol... so when the police officer apologized for waking me, i assured her we were all up and i was just trying out a new pair of pj's. And then i got to mention that we homeschool (why the kids were home) ~ lol. What kind of family is this anyway? Lol.

So Jonathan has been at his new job 2 weeks now. I really don't know how to comment on that... but i think it's going ok. He said today that he's sure his boss likes him (that's a good thing!) and i think it's just hard to know how he'll like it until he gets more into it all. This week was too cold to work on the project they started last week, so he's been at the shop most of the week. On Wednesday (i think?) Jonathan mentioned at work that the thermometer in his van wasn't working ~ it wasn't heating. So at lunch time his boss sent him to go buy a new thermometer. The about 3 or so, there wasn't much to do, so he told Jonathan to bring the van into the shop and replace the part. :-) Not bad! I think when they get to installing the rotary parlour, and the robotic milkers (Feb/March projects?) it'll give Jonathan a better idea of the work. The other thing the boss is hoping for is that Jonathan might get his class 3 drivers so he can be a relief driver if the other guy needs someone... we'll see.

Tomorrow Jonathan & I are hoping to get the necessary papers notarized for our dossier. Then on Thursday I'm planning to meet with our adoption worker to put everything together and mail it to the agency. I'm not sure how that will all work out because at the time it looks like our financing options might take a few weeks to process... but we have the grant available, so i need to be in touch with the agency early next week to see how that all works.

Anyway, there's a little update again...