Before i even get "caught up" on all the other stuff that's been going on, here's another new twist...

A while ago (September?) i saw an ad in the paper for a service technician job... to install and service dairy parlours, including robotic milkers. Computer skills, welding, and farming background all assets. These are the 3 things Jonathan MOST enjoys in the line of work. The welding and/or farming has been a difficult decision and he said he wished he could keep doing both! When i saw this ad, i thought it might be a perfect fit for him... so i showed it to him, and he applied. But he didn't follow up or pursue it further...

NOW, this afternoon, they finally call for an interview!

We've agonized about the decision to leave the farm ~ especially after the way it worked out with the other guy giving his notice too, and after we find out the farm is willing to pay better wages to keep him (why did they wait til now??). Still, feeling bad about leaving them in a predicament... that wasn't our intention.

And we were kind of feeling bad about keeping the new welding job waiting (although they've been awesome about it all)... while finishing up the farm job. But also been looking forward to being there full-time ~ the people are great and the shifts are good. Sounds like they like Jonathan too.

So Jonathan's initial response to this latest possibility was, "I've taken a new job starting full-time on Jan. 2."

UGH!

After talking about it, he called back to see if they could give an idea what wages are... and even with no experience they would start him at a significantly better wage than what he's getting now.

Umm, he's taking the interview on Wednesday! (an interview isn't a committment... but could help make that decision).

Is this God's plan for us?

We have a few questions... who pays travel expenses? what kinds of hours? benefits? holidays? etc.

Please pray! We really need God's direction ~ again!

It would be really hard to tell the new bosses he's not staying after all the waiting...

Sorry it's been so long since i've updated here... i started a blog more specific to our adoption journey, and i guess i have just not blogged a lot lately. The website for the other blog is
http://harderfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/

I hope you've all had a great Christmas. Ours has been pretty good.

Jonathan was officially (or unofficially?) done his job at the farm on the 25th (well, the night milking, so technically that would've brought him to the early am of the 26th ~ lol)... and his new job doesn't start until Jan. 2, so we had he's had a few days off which has been WONDERFUL! He did a night shift at the farm on the 28th, and he's agreed to doing a few Friday or Saturday nights in January... not sure how long that will go on, but I think it'll be ok.

The whole job thing has left us (or me anyway) with some mixed emotions. Since giving his notice at the farm, they clarified that they had given him a raise the previous month, and offered him (i think have given him for December), another raise (to encourage him to stay??). Why did it take so long? Truth is, at this point, his new job will now be a cut in pay. However, we anticipate a raise at the new job fairly quickly too, so we are confident it'll all work out. And we ARE looking forward to the regular day-shift hours with ... um, weekends off?? Lol... eventually. Jonathan hasn't agreed to Sundays though, so if he's only doing one day or shift/week at the farm, it's not bad.

Christmas eve, the kids wanted to open the gifts they had bought for each other. We don't emphasize Christmas gifts, and we don't buy them for the kids... but it's fun to see them thinking of and buying gifts for each other. They had a few gifts for Jonathan & I too. In particular, one of their gifts just blew me away... they collected cash (probably Darwin's idea, and he contributed the most) and did up a note saying the money was for our adoption fund. It's a significant amount of cash for our children (they don't get much from us), but Darwin gave generously from his hard-earned work money. It blessed me SO much! Does that tell what they think about adoption? It's almost hard to accept money from my children... but how can you say no? And really, I don't want to rob them of the blessing God wants to give them for their thoughtfulness and generousity.

Christmas day i didn't feel great in the morning ~ woke with a headache and my tummy was a bit yucky. So I didn't go to church. We kind of left it up to the kids if they wanted to go with Jonathan or not, and they all stayed home. That felt different... normally if there's church, they would've just gone. But for some reason, i felt like Christmas morning often has too much emphasis on the gifts everyone got, and it was just easier to let them decide rather than try and have them get ready on time. My headache lingered until late afternoon/evening when i was helping Darwin make dinner. (He wanted to make Christmas dinner, but it was a bit much for him to do alone). When Jonathan got home, we had a lovely meal together. Then we watched The Sound of Music on tv. Jonathan had to leave again for work by 9 or 9:30, and the boys ended up trying out a new computer game (Oregon Trail), but Janique & I watched the movie to the end. I love that movie every time I see it.

On the 26th, Jonathan & I went shopping. We had been waiting for this day to hopefully buy a bed at a great price. It was a long day, and by the time we came home, we had actually "bought" two beds... we ended up cancelling the first one because the second one was a better deal. That's an interesting story too... when we went back the next day to cancel the one from "store 1," i was curious what their Sealy beds were selling for ~ just to compare with the deal we got at the other store ~ so we went to look. The sales rep saw Jonathan holding our bill/sale (which we were about to cancel) and was curious... when we told him about the deal we got, he said that was such a good deal he wouldn't be looking anywhere else. Basically "unheard of." (But being a sales rep here, in his words, "i didn't tell you that.") The cool thing was, i was able to tell him "we prayed about it before we went shopping for a bed, and God must have led us to the store (store 2) at just the right time. We thought we were done shopping, but happened to be in the area of "store 2" and remembered that store had crossed our minds earlier... so we thought we'd just check it out. We were there right about 5pm, and they just happened to be having a one hour sale ~ half price on all their clearance items in the back ~ from 4-5pm. Then when the bed we decided on seemed to be sold (no longer available in their computer), she offered us the same bed, but a "new" mattress for just $100 more." It was so neat to be able to tell this guy how God had directed us... he said "God bless you."

Hmm, it's getting very late... lol... why i don't blog often ~ i'm too slow at it because i spend so much time thinking through what to say and how to say it. I have more to share, but it'll have to wait...

good night.

We had our second homestudy meeting on Monday, and it went fine... but for some reason (maybe because we talked about my post partum breakdown in '99), i felt myself feeling a bit inadequate to adopt. Actually, i was building quite an inferiority complex during the week. After hearing (on Wednesday) that the proposed timelines have been extended, on top of everything else i was feeling, the thought crossed my mind to give up.

However, in my gloom yesterday, i prayed about it, asking God to show me something to clarify/confirm if we should continue ~ and I vaguely thought the Orphan's Hope grant would be concrete enough confirmation ~ maybe because i thought it was such a far shot ~ but what would be the likelihood of that? We had only applied in October or so, with no guarantee that we'd ever get anything.

Later that afternoon when I went to the mail, there was registered mail... from Orphan's Hope!

I don't think i can do justice trying to tell you how much this means to me! I felt such an enormous outpouring of God's love on me! I was in tears before i even opened the envelope (i did make it out of the post office and into the van though before the tears started ~ lol). It really humbled me too ~ that God would speak so clearly (with the one "confirmation" that i had considered), and with such a huge financial blessing too ~ ok, i just REALLY felt like He dumped buckets of love on me! And such patience with me!

So here's the writing on the wall for me... "God has qualified you!"

This week, by contrast to my last entry, has seemed very unproductive. I guess i need to look at it all in perspective too.

Jonathan's work situation has been quite a roller coaster, and i'm not sure i should share all the details here, but i'll try to summarize anyway.

He was trying out the new (welding) job for a few days already, and planning to make a decision by last week Friday. His boss at the farm knew he was welding part-time, but Jonathan hadn't clarified he was "trying out" for a new job. Part way through the week, we heard that the other key employee had given his notice to leave by the end of December. We had no idea he was planning to leave, so it really complicated the idea of Jonathan giving his notice too... but eventually Jonathan did need to let them know and it didn't go over very well. Fortunately Jonathan & the junior boss (it's a father-son team) were able to talk things out so that there shouldn't be any hard feelings between them... but i'm not sure what the senior boss is thinking (or his wife). Of course part of it will be "my fault" for wanting him home more. Apparently though, they gave Jonathan a raise last month. They don't say anything, and it's not clear on the pay stub, so we didn't notice. And to encourage him to stay, they talked about another raise in January.

Jonathan has been agonizing over this decision (all the way through really, but again when the farm is willing to increase his pay to keep him ~ why couldn't they do that a LONG time ago?? ~ they've said they can't afford to pay more). But he's talking like he's still leaning toward taking the welding job. I think he's a bit stung by the fact that people starting after him have been getting paid more than him ~ how do you feel training someone who's getting paid more than you? (altho he didn't know that at the time) and maybe some other issues too. But I'm leaving the decision totally up to Jonathan! The big thing for me was getting paid enough to "get by" with a normal 40-hr week... and i guess starting off, the welding job might not be quite enough, but with time it should work out. The added bonus of having evenings (early evenings!) and weekends off, stat holidays, some kind of health benefits, etc. are whip cream on the cake.

Adoption ~ our next homestudy visit is on Monday. I'm looking forward to it. One step closer...
I guess i still have a few questions to answer on my personal info/history forms, and Jonathan has several pages to do yet ~ lol ~ but he's got the weekend off, so hopefully we'll get those done then.

It's been a busy few days again... we had a Bible conference at church from Sunday through Thursday. I only had Logan & Maison a few hours on Tuesday & Wednesday, but on Thursday I ended up watching my nephews Robbie & Andrew for a few hours. That's always an adventure ~ but it was pretty cute to watch when Janique "helped" him clean up. He likes to dump the bucket of blocks on the floor, but doesn't usually play with them, so we insist he cleans them up after a bit too. So Janique started singing a preschool song and inserted his name... "Robbie come and clean up a little bit..." and because he LOVES when anyone is singing, every time she came to the end of the song he'd say "more." Eventually Andrew joined in the singing/game and they must have sung it 20-30 times while handing Robbie the blocks to put back in the bucket. Brenden was getting tired of the song but i pointed out to him that at least Robbie was staying out of trouble, and all three were having fun... so we let them keep singing.

Friday the kids & I went to a science workshop at the school division (our homeschool facilitator put this on for those who were interested). We had fun... my favorite experiment was the soap one... try this... take a piece of bar soap (compare two kinds ~ Ivory is really good to try)... cut a small piece about 1" square or smaller. Place it on a paper towel and microwave it for about 40-80 seconds (really depends on the microwave, but you want to WATCH it anyway, so you'll get an idea when it's "done."

When we got home, there were a few messages, one of them about baby-sitting on Saturday. I figured out it should work out ok, so sure. A bit later my sister called to see if i could watch her five boys that evening, and 4 of them on Saturday. Lol... sure, why not?

Then because i was already busy and for some strange reason feeling ok with it all??? I decided to plan to have friends over for Sunday lunch. This does NOT come easily for me... if i ever feel like i've got food ready to serve, my house doesn't get tidied... or if the house is ever nice enough, i don't know what i'd serve. So then to get it "together" for a Sunday lunch when our Sunday morning is usually pretty short just getting ready for Sunday school/church???... i'm not sure where the idea came from, but there it was. LOL... So we made plans before i could change my mind, and then i just had to work toward that. I had a poor night when i finally got to bed, and ended up with a nasty headache by 2am that's been lingering on and off all day yet too, but we had a wonderful visit as i knew we would.

Update on Jonathan's new job possibility... he seems to be enjoying it ok, or at least he said he was surprised? or pleased? with how easily he was picking up the welding again. He's also seeing some potential?? opportunity to eventually take it out on his own (the boss here mentioned something about sub-contracting some of the welding work that Jonathan is working on now)... who knows? Jonathan is hoping to know by the end of the week which job to keep.

Here's some pictures of cakes we did for a cake auction (for Gospel Echoes Prison Ministry) earlier this month (just a little part of their benefit auction weekend). I helped each of the kids with their cakes (Darwin did most of his on his own), but i tried to give them the fun of doing as much of the decorating on their own as possible. I was very pleased with their work, and altogether their cakes brought in about $100 for the ministry (a bit over $100 i think).

I'm not sure if this will post the way i'm entering, but i'll try...

First one is Reagan with his snowman cake. This one was so easy to make for how nicely it turned out!

Janique was determined to do a "horse" cake. The day before doing the cakes, we still hadn't found exactly what we were looking for in toys, so we decided to build the fence with pretzels and royal icing (the stuff you use for gingerbread houses) and just go with toy horses. The fence totally "made" the cake... but it took a few attempts to get it holding together. I made a few extra fences to replace the ones that broke... and it all worked out ok.
Darwin's is pretty self-explanatory ~ smarties were the best candy we found with all the colors (well, for blue, indigo and violet we settled for blue and purple). Clouds are marshmallos. We hadn't thought ahead to make sure the frosting we bought was true WHITE so it was hard to get a "blue" sky (did you know when you add blue food color to "vanilla" frosting, it goes green?? lol).
Brenden's cake was fairly basic too, but the fruit/yogurt roll-up things (can't remember what they are called) were so soft and sticky that it was quite a chore making the bow. Otherwise it was easy to do. The candies are rainbow chocolate chips ~ they are great for smartie/monster cookies too (don't break up the cookies like the big smarties do).

Jonathan is at a job interview ~ i'm excitedly waiting for him to come home (or call) and let me know how it went.

Aside from that, today looks rather relaxed and low-key (being a holiday). I'm asking the kids to do a bit of school anyway, and hopefully i can do some correcting ~ i've been getting kind of behind in that.

I'm feeling rather tired from too many late nights... but really enjoying a book i've been reading "There is No Me Without You." It is an amazing story and eye-opener about Ethiopia, HIV/AIDS, orphans, etc.

Anyway, just a little update...

Yesterday morning we had our first homestudy meeting. It went really well, and we are working on our "homework," trying to get appointments for medicals (somehow Jonathan no longer has a family doctor?? because he hasn't needed to see one for too long?? and my doctor will be trying to fit me in since normally i'd be waiting about a year to get in for a complete physical. We've got 17 pages to fill out about ourselves (each of us)... :-)

It's exciting to be moving ahead! Our next appointment is almost a month away because our social worker will be away for a bit... but i guess that gives us a little more time to get our stuff written up.

This morning, one of our kids chose to pray about Jonathan's work situation. He's feeling ready to move on. (Several reasons for that and i won't get into it all right now). Anyway, this afternoon, we got a call from a place he applied a while ago. He'll be talking with them on Monday (hopefully) and I guess we'll see where it goes from there. We had been talking about him going to New Holland (they've been desparately trying to hire people for a while now), so if this other one doesn't work out he'd be trying there. I just thought it was REALLY neat how we just prayed about it, and there was the phone call... even if we don't know yet that it's an "answer to prayer" it is encouraging!

Gues what???

The cheque was in the mail today!!! We are officially out of our line of credit AND have enough money to pay for our homestudy!!! So tomorrow we'll probably be getting in touch with our homestudy practitioner to set up an appointment. Can you believe it??

Ok, the lack of sleep the last few nights has caught up to me, and Reagan is waiting for me to do a Sudoku puzzle with him before going to bed... so I'm off.

:-)

Tired!

I'm kind of surprised how well i've managed most of the day with the little sleep i've had... Friday night my brother in Australia was on skype with my sister (who lives a few streets over from us), and they decided to try a conference call to us (on our phone ~ since we hadn't connected to skype yet ~ and even after we've signed up, we don't have the headset yet). That was awesome! We hadn't talked with Larry since he was out for Christmas break. A few emails here & there, and communicating some by blog, but it was good to hear his voice again. We had a very interesting discussion, and by 1:00am (they called us about 10:30) we had made arrangements that he'd call again on Sunday night (after our company left). So between 9:30-10:00 pm we were talking again... this time til well after 1:30.

Originally we thought we'd be able to sleep in Monday morning if necessary (Jonathan has most mornings off this month ~ still haven't figured out how that happened, but i'll just enjoy it), but Sunday afternoon Sherry called to see if i could watch the boys from 7-3:30 on Monday (she was asked to take a day shift), so I was up by 6:40 or so this morning. Fun, fun?? lol... it actually went fairly well and i hardly noticed i was tired until i began reading stories to the little boys thinking they might fall asleep (nap-time). Then i got tired, and Maison "tucked me in" with the blankie i'd pulled out for him ~ ha ha. At first he took the other end of the couch and we shared the blankie, but then he got up and looked at me for a while (my eyes were closed ~ mostly), and went off to play. I was half-way dozing for a bit, so that probably helped me through the rest of the afternoon, and doing some flashcards with the kids this evening nearly put me to sleep again. So i know where i need to be now :-)

I have to be there by 7am again tomorrow morning, but just for about an hour, and then they'll be over for a few hours later in the afternoon. Between that i have a meeting. Darwin is also working tomorrow, so i'll probably be picking them up (hopefully they're done a bit earlier tomorrow than they were today) and then taking Janique to her riding lessons.

We're just waiting for our check already (knowing it's coming sometime this month, but not sure when), to bring us to the point where we can (pay for and) begin our homestudy. Of course there will be enough other expenses pretty quickly too, so i really don't know where the money will all come from for that, and i guess honestly, i'm not sure exactly what God's thoughts are on that ~ should we be looking at a loan? (or refinancing)? or is He asking us to trust Him to provide the money each step of the way?? (and that we shoudn't do anything about it?).

But i'm probably a little too tired to really be trying to wrap my mind around it all right now ~ lol. Guess it's just bedtime!

I feel like i'm moving away a bit from the major questioning stage of "are we REALLY ready to move ahead with adoption and all?" "is this for sure the right thing for us to do?" to a more peaceful or "matter-of-factly" it's time to mail our applications, and within a few days we should hopefully be able to make our appointment to begin our homestudy. (Not that i don't question it at all, but not as much... it's more settled in my mind now, i think).

We are, for the moment, once again out of our line of credit. The last time we made it to the plus side of our account, I don't think it lasted the day; and by tomorrow I'm pretty sure the next transaction will have gone through bringing us below 0 again. BUT, by the end of this week we should be clear again... and by the end of the month, we "should" have more than enough to pay for our homestudy. (Btw, we decided to put off buying a new bed until Boxing Day ~ and hope for a great deal at that time... but we haven't done our vehicle work yet ~ tires on one, and shocks on the other).

Darwin is getting a bit tired of his job. It IS physically demanding ~ he's just not big enough and strong enough to do the job really well yet. Plus, the air/dust seems to be bothering him a bit ~ he says he's always coughing later. We're not going to make him stay... it's totally up to him. It's been nice for him to have a source of income, but if it's just too much, it's just too much. So we'll see... he's talking like he'll go til the end of the month.

Brenden's chore this month is washing dishes (just the ones that don't typically go in the dishwasher)... but he really dislikes the chore. So he offered he'd make meals if i did dishes for him. It's been ... interesting. (I've done a lot of "helping" and pinch-hitting). Today he was really stressed because he has a habit of turning on the wrong burner, and today he did it twice for one meal. Of course, he turned it right up to max (trying to boil water). The "wrong" burner had a dirty frying pan, so it cooked on real hard (and made a lovely smell ~ not ~ lol). There were a few other little issues that just made for an overall "less than pleasant" experience in the kitchen today, but i think he's more stressed at the idea of possibly having to do dishes than the stress of cooking. I think he'd do better with a stove top that has the dials right beside the burners.

Oh, btw, we did mail our applications to the agency and to community resources (provincial application for international adoption). I was a bit surprised at Reagan's reaction when I mentioned that we'd mailed them... so far he's been sounding very interested and excited, but today he sounded different. He's been really certain about wanting a brother, and the rest of us have been thinking we prefer a girl & boy, but would consider two girls... so because we talked a bit about that earlier, he might be reacting to that... unless it's the "baby of the family" thing... not wanting to give up his spot ??? Not that he was really bothered by it, but just didn't respond with the enthusiasm that i've been used to hearing from him. I'll be chatting with him about it more...

Remember when we began looking for a practitioner to do our home study ~ we have 5 people to choose from in our area, but one was on leave at that time, so we didn't contact her. We had narrowed it down to two, and now that we're thinking we're nearly ready to begin (just waiting for finances to be at a particular place and that should be this month some time), we are trying to decide. Earlier this week I called one of the two we were considering (the one recommended by another family ~ altho the other one sounded more interested at that time), but haven't heard back from her. I've been praying for God to lead us to the one who will be best for us, so then i prayed specifically that if she wasn't the one for us that she wouldn't call back. So far she hasn't, and now that's ok with me.

After thinking about it a few times, i decided to email the lady who was on leave to see if she is back to work. Within an hour i had a reply and she's back! I am so excited ~ i think she might be the one! Doesn't it just sound like God's leading??

Just need to decide if i book anything before the money is actually in our hands, or if we move ahead in faith... oh my! i can hardly believe we might actually be moving ahead with this...

Almost reminds me of my engagement... "am i SURE this is the right thing to do? Is this really God's best for me?" Lol... such a hard time with decisions... even after making them.

So today i've been waiting to hear back from this lady ~ i had a few questions for her ~ and i haven't heard anything yet.

I'm wondering though too... my kids aren't terribly excited that we're baby-sitting another day shift tomorrow. Sounds like they are getting a bit annoyed with the little boys ~ they do follow them around like puppies on a leash (or maybe more like cats?? lol)... even to the bathroom apparently ~ lol. Darwin said they followed him there the other day and asked "you going pee?" (Oh right, besides following us everywhere, lots of questions ~ ha ha). Part of it is just getting used to our kids doing school ~ and as long as my kids are doing school, the little boys are not allowed to bug them (we're still working at enforcing that ~ but Darwin now loves doing his school in his bedroom where he's usually undisturbed). So anyway, I asked my kids if they really thought our adopted children would be much different?? Hmm, what do you all think??? Maybe it'll be different because at first we won't understand a word they say (except what we have learned in Amharic by then ~ so far we've learned one word ~ "shinti" ~ a very helpful word to know... can you guess what it is?).

Anyway, we mailed our application for the adoption grant through Orphan's Hope. We certainly "qualify" by the financial standards, but the draw like a lottery, so it's a wait and see. I did hear at one point that most families do eventually win, so of course we'll be hoping it will come to us as well.

But, it's now past my "bed-time" (meaning the time i was "hoping" to be in bed tonight)...

Has it really been almost a month since my last post?? I'm not sure where to start... it almost seems that not much has changed since the last post, although for the last few weeks i've been thinking i really should get blogging because my mind has certainly been busy.

Jonathan put in 240 hours of work in September ~ that explains why it seemed like he was never home (and i confess, i was somewhat frustrated by that at times). On a brighter note, it is a financial provision that i can be thankful for as we are trying to save up to begin the adoption process. Officially, as of this morning, we are out of our line of credit... by less than $25, but hey! it's above $0!!! even if it is only for a few hours ~ lol. And our "homestudy fund" is over $400, so almost half-way there. Another blessing... i get the boys for 3 day shifts this week, plus a few hours on the other days.

Now that we're getting close to moving ahead, there's a variety of mixed emotions (well, that doesn't sound like anything new). Ya kind of get to a point where ya just need to decide what ya want and go with it! (I guess for us, we just can't say "no" so we gotta move ahead ~ lol).

I did manage to put a bit of "reality" into it all for the kids ~ after a few day shifts in a row, I challenged them with the question, "suppose we were going to adopt the two boys we babysit... how would you feel about that?" They weren't too excited about that ~ which had me wondering why not?? The answers i got were a little surprising... things like "he's too loud ~ we'd have to teach him to be quieter" and "they'd have to learn to get along with each other." Guess what?? International adoption "could" be a LOT more challenging than that... are you sure you still want to adopt? So there was a bit of re-consideration, but after a bit of time to think about it all, they're still saying "yes." Brenden might be a bit cautious still... but unless he's keeping things from us, his concerns aren't too big ("no, i won't expect you to change dirty diapers" ~ lol).

Oh, after a crazy-busy month of work for Jonathan (they switched him over to doing more feeding, etc. instead of just milking, so there was some extra training/learning time for mixing feeds/rations), we're confused about his October schedule. He's got every morning off except the weekends that he's working. Only three night milkings all month too. It's nice that he's getting such a big break, but if he's only working one shift a day, we'll notice it on the month-end pay cheque. The junior boss talked earlier about freeing him up some to do some welding around the farm, but the senior boss doesn't seem interested in having him do any welding. Oh well... he might end up with lots of hours anyway because they've decided to add a second person to do the night milkings. We're happy about that because on his own it would take Jonathan til well after 3am most nights. They are also considering going back to two milkings, but will try some changes to the feeding rations first. They just haven't seen the milk production go up like it should have.

Ok, i better run... Jonathan is on his way home and we're going shopping. Yipee! (Not about spending money ~ although i'm excited to save $30 on our purchase ~ but about spending time with Jonathan ~ and we don't mind grocery shopping most of the time).

I feel like i've had a good day! That's a great feeling! Tired, yes, but otherwise i sure can't complain.

I woke to a phone call this morning at 6:50am... "sorry to bother you so early, but can you watch the boys for the day shift?" (instead of just the 2 1/2 hours this afternoon).

"Um, ya, sure." I was kind of expecting to be watching my nephews from 9:30-7:00 (Robbie ~ the one that keeps us all BUSY ~ lol ~ and his brother Andrew), so we didn't have any other plans ~ didn't even plan to do any school. Sure, i'll watch them.

So about 10min. later I was over at their house. She told me later that her boss (or co-worker?) had been impressed ~ she managed to get a sitter and be at work in 15min. The boys were still sleeping, so when they got up and dressed we came back here.

I ended up not having my nephews, which was fine, but I see this as one more way that God is providing... AND, I get them for another day shift tomorrow as well (also a change from the original plans). The boys really seem to like it here, and we like them too :-) so it's been a good thing for all of us.

I've been a little impatient with our bank account situation... i think we are ready to apply for adoption and begin our homestudy just as soon as we have enough money set aside for the home study (AND are out of our line of credit), but just when it looked like we were almost out of our line of credit again, we're back in WAY too far! With Jonathan's raise, and my baby-sitting, plus a tax break for families that leaves us a little more on Jonathan's pay check each month, (all of which do make a little difference), i was hoping to see a bigger difference by now, but I guess we had a lot of catching up to do after paying property taxes (almost $3000) and building the deck ($1000). I'm trying not to be impatient though because i really don't want to run ahead of God with the adoption thing either. We just feel at this point that our "green light" will be when we're out of our line of credit and have $800-$1000 saved for home study. (Oh, i have been putting some of my baby-sitting money into savings for that, so i'm almost up to $400 there).

Oh right, i also got to baby-sit for my sister last week Friday. Their 7yr. old foster child is no longer with them, but they have another baby ~ 11 mos. old. So doing 2 babies was a novelty here ~ and a bit of an adventure. One of them had a few VERY messy diapers that I needed help with ~ lol ~ and the little boy got a bath out of the deal too. Something about watching these babies though (and i've fallen in love with the other one by now ~ we'll all miss him when he moves on) makes me almost want to adopt a baby too (like a baby with an older sister)... but i'm not totally convinced yet, and Jonathan even less so. He enjoys the babies, but... well, he says he likes to spoil them and send them home.

Janique has started therapeudic riding and absolutely LOVES it! I'm a little concerned how we'll keep her content when the 5 months are over ~ it's really quite expensive on our budget, but i think it's a good thing for her, so probably worth the money at this point ~ just not sure that we'll be able to keep her in it long term. Maybe we can find something more affordable if it's not necessarily "therapeudic"... guess we'll see.

Well, i better get going... tomorrow morning is another early one...

It's been a while since i've been here and i'm almost too tired to start an update now, but i the longer i wait, the more "behind" i get.

Last weekend we went to Manitoba for Jonathan's brother's wedding. We left early Friday morning, spent the day at the Science Centre in Regina (and Imax ~ we watched "Deep Sea"), then drove another hour and a half to Whitewood where we stayed with friends for the night. We had a lovely time there (the boys had almost too much fun ~ lol), and a great breakfast (thanks Andrea!)

Saturday morning (not as early this time) we headed out for Winnipeg (area) to my brother and sister-in-law's place. It worked out well that we were there for my youngest nephew's birthday ~ we got to celebrate with him. We also got to check out a dairy farm that is installing robotic milkers. That was a highlight for Jonathan. They'd only started using the robots on Tuesday so they were still trying to get it all working smoothly (it takes a few weeks for the cows to adjust, etc.), but it was fascinating.

That night, Reagan was saying he was cold, but he didn't feel cold to me... we were all a bit sleep-deprived, so i chalked it up to that, but prayed for good health for us all anyway.

Sunday morning we got to Winkler (near Plum Coulee where the wedding was going to be), and joined Jonathan's family and some aunts & uncles for brunch at Smitty's. Reagan wasn't feeling great... he hadn't been too interested in breakfast earlier, but eventually managed a bit of yogurt. Now he wanted a waffle with whipped cream and strawberries ~ and he did manage to eat half of it. But still, he was feeling cold from time to time, and didn't look quite right.

Family pictures were at a beautiful park in a nearby town... we were told for 2:00, but apparently that was just an attempt at making sure everyone was there on time (which was actually 2:30)... so we were all early ~ lol. Reagan lay down on the grass and had a good rest.

The wedding was a 4:00 and lasted the rest of the day. It was beautiful! Jonathan & I both found ourselves fighting tears. We could feel the presence of the Lord ~ He was/is so evident in their lives and their wedding ceremony reflected a relationship build on a Godly foundation. We're excited to see how God will work in and through them. There were plenty of laughs during the reception too, and I find myself wishing we lived closer to them that we could get to know them better...

Anyway, i hear there's a chance of frost tonight, so i better cover my tomato plants...

So today i have Robbie & Andrew over... i think Robbie alone is as much work as the 5 boys we had earlier this week ~ lol. He is having his nap now, so that's nice. He actually cooperated quite well ~ i asked him to lie down, gave him a blankie, and gently rubbed his back while singing for him. After a few songs he was sleeping. WOW!

Jonathan went to talk with our local welder yesterday ~ and came home somewhat excited. He's still not sure what he wants to do ~ lol, doesn't know "what he wants to be when he grows up"~ but he'd like to use his welding skills, even it was only part-time. We talked about some of the pros and cons between dairy (even if he were to go out on his own ~ something he's been thinking/dreaming about) and welding.

I finally heard back about my hormone test results, so there's a little "information over-load" to sift through, but he'll be sending me a letter with the information too and suggestions he's making for my doctor to consider for me. He's recommending i have my thyroid tested as well. We'll see where we go from there...

But i should probably see what i can get done while Robbie is sleeping...

My sister & bil came home a day early. They felt they'd gotten in the time/activities they'd wanted, and if they were going to stay away another night they would've had to dry out their tent first (got rained on earlier), so they came home. They did give us a heads-up for the kids that would be disappointed ~ lol.

The baby was exceptionally fussy today, and when i finally thought he was down for a nice long afternoon nap, 15-20 min. later my other 2 boys showed up (an hour earlier than scheduled ~ lol) and i think maybe the dog barking woke the baby?? I dunno, but he was DONE sleeping after that. He pretty much fussed on and off through the rest of the afternoon.

So anyway, it seems really quiet now! But somehow, i think i'm ok with it. Overall though, i'd have to say it didn't go too badly! Thank you to those who were praying!

Whew! One night down, 4 to go. Lol... i was amazed this morning when I looked at the time and we were almost ready for Sunday school... it was only 9:00! Ok, i still needed to get myself & the baby dressed, and there's always more "last minute" stuff than we think of, but i was really impressed! Jonathan wasn't even helping cause he worked the night shift and only got home about 3:30am. I think the buddy system has been a great idea ~ we paired up older kids with younger ones.

It's actually not going too badly so far... my brother and sil from Manitoba were out, so my mom invited us all to their house for supper last night. That threw off the bed-times a bit ~ the 7yr. old usually goes to bed by 6:30 (long story) so i was feeling a bit "rushed" when we got home about 7:30, but it all worked out ok. The baby slept through the night (10-8), so no complaints there :-) I think someone is praying! Keep it up!

Jonathan is working this afternoon, and he gets the night shift as well. It's been a long weekend for him already (that night shift can be nasty)... so he'll appreciate a day off tomorrow (i think ~ lol).

Well, the baby will probably be awake soon, and after feeding him i'm sure i'll be hearing from the rest of the hungry kids.

Our busy week of VBS is behind us now ~ feels like quite a while ago already! It went quite well.

The following morning we got up about 5am to go fishing. (Janique didn't want to go, so we brought her over to her cousins' house on Friday night already). I bought a fishing license so that i could be "fishing" too instead of just hanging out and watching (and wishing i could be fishing). I've never caught a fish before, so i was delighted to actually real in 5 fish (not counting the one or two that got away). Two of them were too small to keep... well, three of them actually, but one was so "caught" that by the time Jonathan & Darwin had him/her free, there wasn't enough life left to swim away, so we kept that one too. We're hoping to go back to the same spot sometime. It's not too far ~ about 1 1/2 drive.

Monday I had Logan & Mason all day. They've adjusted well here, and it sounds like they're always looking forward to coming again. That's good :-) We like them too.

Today I had my nephews (Robbie & Andrew) all day. I don't think i could do it if it wasn't for my kids. They help a LOT. In fact, they'll be getting paid for baby-sitting those days. Robbie is a busy boy, and keeps us going pretty constantly.

Thanks Vicki (and anyone else) for praying for me... I'm getting over the disappointment about the deck. We still need to finish up the last of it, but it's been so busy there just hasn't been much extra time. Tomorrow might give us a bit of time, but i'm also trying to get ready for a busy weekend through Wednesday.

I've agreed to have my sister & bil's boys over from Sat. morning til Wed. night. Good thing i have praying friends! I'm trying to plan some meals in advance (even just ideas) and then i need to go shopping. Also trying to come up with something of a schedule (just for parts of the days) to keep things a bit organized. Jonathan works Saturday & Sunday (so he won't be home to help me get everyone ready for church Sunday morning).

And then i think it's almost time that Jonathan & I have a little "get-away" for just the two of us...

Summer holidays?? Huh? What's that?? Lol...

So last week Tuesday, Jonathan's parents got here at 5:00pm ~ just after Logan & Mason's dad picked them up. They stayed until Saturday after lunch... and i was ready for the break. The deck is pretty much done, but there are a few things that we plan to change/fix. The way Jonathan's dad talks, i really was expecting a good job of the deck... but he pretty much flew by the seat of his pants, and so there are quite a few things that we'll just have to "live with" because it would be way too much to fix them all. It is a deck, and there's a possibility that if they hadn't come to help us, we might not have had a deck for another 10yrs., so i'm trying to think appreciative thoughts, but still struggling to let all the "imperfections" go. Feel free to pray for me about that.

Saturday afternoon/evening I helped serve at a wedding at our church. We've had a lot of hot weather lately, so the kitchen at church (no air conditioning) got plenty warm enough. We haven't been able to cool down our house much overnight either, so the heat and humidity has been wearing on some of us.

This week is VBS at church. We're still having heat waves. On Sunday night we were decorating (or trying to) our classroom, and i was stuck with an upstairs room. It was so stuffy/hot in there i gave up pretty quick. Besides, the sticky tac wasn't holding anyway ~ think it was too warm. It turned out that there's an extra classroom on main floor, so tomorrow we'll be in there instead. Woohoo! I've got 12 juniors in my group, so i'm thankful for my helper!

Yesterday we finally went to a friend's house for a while (over supper) to cool off ~ it was deliciously cool! I was feeling a bit sick already from all the heat (i think that's what it was)... so last night we slept downstairs ~ but of course, it doesn't sleep the same, and it's not very cool downstairs by now either.

Well, i'm getting extra chances to baby-sit. I could have my nephews Robbie & Andrew over this weekend, but Jonathan & the boys have been tentatively planning a fishing trip, and i thought it'd be nice if we could make it a family thing. Still feeling bad though that Joe will probably be going without Trudy (to Winnipeg) because they can't find sitters. (Their boys are a bit of a handful).

And my sister Mary called this evening to ask if we might have their five boys (their own three plus two foster children) for 5 days in August. Hmmm, that's a loaded question ~ lol. Since i've agreed to have Robbie & Andrew one day/week (starting next week), and with my other baby-sitting job, that one day i'd have 11 kids all day (plus my other two boys from 3:30-5;00). I'm thinking about that one... lol. Might be a chance for my kids to make a little extra money too, but we'll see...

Oh, job interview update ~ Jonathan didn't get the job. Oh well...

ok, i better go... see if it's cool enough upstairs to sleep in my bed tonight

Jonathan & I were up by about 7:30 to get to the city in time for his job interview at 8:30. (So we're tired ~ Jonathan & Darwin got home after 3:30am, and I didn't sleep well before that either). So the job ~ I guess where they need a welder is on the different job sites, so things like bridges, etc. Jonathan isn't a "heights" kind of person (and there's the weather to contend with as well ~ which he'd probably tolerate "ok")... so it doesn't look/sound like this will be the one for him.

He was able to arrange the other interview for Tuesday morning (9:30), so we'll see how that one goes. They are looking for someone with more experience, but i guess we'll see.

Our meeting with the adoption worker went ok... but it sounds like the social worker for this foster girl apparently doesn't know how the adoption stuff works. So basically, we have little to no chance of actually adopting "T" ~ at least according to the adoption worker.

I'm ok with that since i'd all but put it behind me already, but Jonathan is somewhat disappointed. He's not opposed to international adoption, so we're not totally on different pages, but he's still thinking domestic is a possibility ~ and we know that if God wants "T" in our home, He can make it happen. There is a long waiting list, and so first of all we'd have to be on that waiting list. Depending on the extent of special needs we'd be willing to accept would affect how quickly we could even get onto that waiting list. So really, if we're thinking domestic, we need to think general ~ not just this one girl.

For me, it would be enough to close that door and pursue international. That's where my heart seems to be. But i want to be sensitive to Jonathan & to the Lord's leading. So I guess we keep praying.

So that's what i typed up after the meeting... Later while talking with my sister (& Jonathan), it sounds like there is still something about being an "alternate care giver" and i'm not completely following it all, but to me it sounds like we'd be like foster parents, and if we could do that, then perhaps (BIG perhaps??) if we'd had this girl living with us for a year or so, it might be "in the best interest of the child" to keep her there. (Again, providing no one wants to adopt all three children. So i'm not sure if that's even a feasible option ~ and i have a feeling we wouldn't be well liked by the adoption people if we tried to pursue that... I dunno... keep praying.

Oh, and an update on my potential investing dream ~ the 7 houses for one good price ~ not gonna happen. I called a realtor to see if he had any info on the market in that community. He didn't really know about that, but he's been to the community, and shared a few things with me. I'm content to let it go.

Wow!

Last night Jonathan said the bull that's been in the barn (with the cows) was being shipped, and they'd be brining in a different one ~ the one that attacked the boss not that long ago. I don't get it?? It's bad enough (from my perspective) to have a bull in there at all, but when it's already proven to be somewhat dangerous, why bring him in? The night shift is of bigger concern since there's not necessarily going to be anyone else in the barn. It's not a huge comfort to me to have Darwin there with him, although it's "better than nothing." Darwin will NOT be going near the bull (except where the bull is contained on the other side of the fence). Not sure how well i'll be sleeping tonight ~ last night i was determined not to dream about bulls attacking... so i dreamed of cougars attacking ~ lol. But Jonathan might have a better idea how the bull is after the shift he's working now. Some of the bulls they've had seem to be a little more respectful when they are brought in.

Jonathan suggested going back to CoverAll (the last job he had), and I think he was near ready to submit his resume today. That makes me think he's serious about leaving the farm... because his wage wouldn't be any better there (at least not for a while).

BUT, this morning he got a call for a job interview, so that appointment is at 8:30 tomorrow morning. Then later on, we missed a call while outside (painting the boards for our new deck), so when I checked messages later, another place had called to set up an interview. I called back (since Jonathan was already at work), but ended up leaving a message and so we haven't scheduled that one yet. Two calls for interviews in one day!!! Wow! And he was beginning to think nothing would come of the resumes he'd submitted... and I was trying to adjust my attitude and just pray for God's leading with the whole job thing. But then, he doesn't have a new job yet... and i'm not sure about details either. One of them looks like they might be only for the second shift (and the pay might not be quite as good as he was expecting)... but we're excited anyway.

i'm still feeling a bit yucky today; almost like getting over a flu bug except that i didn't feel like flu yesterday. But still feeling better than yesterday.

I called Jonathan's mom last night to hopefully get a better idea when they are coming, and like usual, we talked about all kinds of other stuff too... i mentioned (when i thought it was "safe" to do so) our appointment coming up tomorrow with the adoption worker about the idea of adopting this little girl i've talked about. I was cautious with sharing information, but she still shared her well-meaning "cautions" with me, concerned about me taking on too much and informing me that i have nerve problems ~ and that really bothered me. Not willing to leave that one open like a foothold for the devil, i quickly explained to her that just because i had a breakdown does not mean that i will accept a life-time curse of nerve problems. I'm not sure if she really "got it" but i couldn't leave that door open! God has done (and is doing) so much healing in my life, i wish she could acknowledge that God DOES heal and believe with me that He will continue to heal... and/or maybe i just wish she would recognize God's leading in our lives, and trust God about some of these things that might look bigger than us... (sometimes it's hard enough for me to have that much faith).

Anyway, i guess i have a ton of work to do ~ Jonathan's parents are planning to come out next week Tuesday. We need to get the boards (& backyard) ready for building the deck ~ we started painting them today, but it's raining now. Also need to clean house and have a place ready for them (likely the boys room downstairs). My garden has also become an embarassment ~ almost nothing came up ~ except weeds. There's a THICK row of carrots (did i mention the kids planted the garden ~ lol) and three rows of potatoes (almost under weeds), my four tomato plants and one watermelon plant which likley won't get big enough soon enough to produce any fruit. And although i had the weeds pretty much cleaned out, they've come back almost with a vengance. It's been either too hot or too wet most days for me to be weeding, and then baby-sitting plays into it a bit too. The boys like me to be doing things with them, and so far i've been trying to accomodate when it's practical.

So i'm off to work...

Yesterday afternoon I accidentally dropped my mercury thermometer on the kitchen floor and it broke. I didn't take time to research exactly how serious a mercury spill can be, or how I should clean it up, so i just went with what came to mind. Using paper towel I rolled the little beads of mercury together (fortunately they didn't seem to be spread too far & wide), and rolled it onto a piece of toilet paper and tossed it in the garbage. I vacuumed the area in case there was something i missed that i couldn't see, and wiped the area with wet paper towel. Then I did some research online, and found more information than was good for me ~ lol. (Oh, and then Darwin went over the area with duct tape in case we'd missed anything, and then we double-bagged the garbage in two black garbage bags and tossed it). I thought i was doing "ok" last night, but this morning something was really "off" and i got wondering (ok, and worrying) if i was dealing with mercury poisoning. (Of course, in my case it could've been one or more of several other issues ~ which i'm thinking now it is/was). Still haven't heard back from my doctor, but i called a different "health care person" who recommended I call poison control. I was afraid of being scolded for having even had a mercury thermometer in my home, or for breaking it, or at least for not having cleaned up properly... but the lady I talked with at poison control was SO WONDERFUL! She just asked me to tell her what happened and how I dealt with it, and she said i had done very well and there shouldn't be any concern ~ except that i might want to replace the filter on our vacuum cleaner. Vacuum cleaners and brooms are NO NO's for this type of thing, but because i only vacuumed after cleaning up everything visible to my eyes, she said the risk would be so small that it wasn't a big deal. Skin contact isn't a big worry with this type of mercury, and apparently it usually isn't a problem if you swallow it either ~ it'll usually pass through. The vapors are the biggest concern... and that shouldn't be an issue if you clean it up like i did. So I'm relieved about that! Still tired and feeling a bit yucky, but hopefully it'll just clear up quickly.

I've been feeling less off-balance lately ~ PTL! I'm thinking it seems to be related to a sensitivity to cold ~ which could be due to low body temperatures (symptoms of hypothyroid ~ which may not necessarily have shown in blood work ~ check out www.wilsonssyndrome.com). I mentioned these symptoms to my homeopathic doctor and he recommended a supplement to address sensitivity to cold. I'd been charting my temperatures, and they were almost consistently low. About a week after starting the supplement my temps went up to where they should be, and I began feeling somewhat better (less off-balance, less tight muscles in the back of my head, somewhat better overall). But then again, the higher temperatures could have been hormonal (last week of cycle kind of thing). Yesterday (before my thermometer broke ~ and today with my cheap digital one) my temperatures were down again... i want to keep charting a little longer to get a bigger picture of all that.

Before I realized the homeopathics might be working, I talked with a pharmacist consultant and finally decided to go ahead with saliva hormone testing (having thought about it for a few years). I should hopefully have my results by the end of the week, or early next week.

The boys (the older two) had a chance to go fishing with "Grandma & Grandpa" last weekend and had a great time. They left Friday evening (3hr. drive to where they went) and got home a little before 11pm Saturday night. They didn't get a lot of sleep apparently, so they were tired. Oh, they each came home with two fish.

Janique had a birthday on July 3 ~ she's 11yrs. old already! How time flies! She planned her party and all ~ she had two cousins over for a sleep-over and they were here til evening on the 4th. On the 4th I also ended up having my sister's three boys and their foster baby over... so it looked a bit like a zoo by the time my two little boys (that I baby-sit) came, but it really wasn't too bad. Yesterday was our first full day with the two little boys ~ it went pretty good. I felt really complimented when their mom told me that with the previous baby-sitter, although she's a good sitter, the 4yr. old cried every time she left. Here he's anxiously waiting to come again... only cried the first day. That blessed me.

Jonathan emailed his resume (improved version) to five potential job openings, so we'll see how the Lord leads as far as that goes. He's been working afternoons & nights all weekend, and that's probably as brutal as getting up at 3am (because he only gets home after 3am now).

I got dreaming a little the other day, but not sure if it's at all practical... there's a group of 7 houses up for sale for a really good price... about 2 hours away (i'm guessing). They are currently all being rented, so the revenue makes it look like a great income/investment opportunity, but how do you manage something like that (with no experience, i'll add) from two hours away. Truth is, if we weren't so "planted" here, we "could" move out there into one of the homes (debt free if we sold our house here), and practically live off of the income of the other 6 houses). But life isn't just about money... there's friends, family, church, etc. all to consider... and we don't know anyone out there. If we knew something about revenue/rental properties, etc. it might still be worth looking into ~ having someone out there manage them for us... hmm, sure is tempting to look into it.

Jonathan called the social worker yesterday and arranged for us to meet with her on Thursday to talk about domestic adoption (the little girl I've mentioned). I've had a few mixed feelings about it, and was ready to get back on the trail of international adoption, but I want to be open to this if it is God's leading. That's the part i'm not totally sure about... seems my heart is leaning more toward Africa. But, some of that is just the questions we'd have about this particular girl and her situation too... so we'll see what we learn at the meeting.

We bought the materials to build a deck ~ finally! (That's a project that's been 10yrs. in coming ~ lol). Jonathan's parents said they want to come out and help us build a deck, so that's why we are finally getting on it. So here's hoping they come! Lol... I think we're going to stain it, so me & the kids should have lots of fun with that.

Well, it doesn't look too promising yet to get a diagnosis and/or special funding. I only talked briefly with our facilitator about that (my priority the day that i finally got to talk with her was about the year end testing that we did this year), but she said something about there being like two levels of "special needs" and that we didn't fit the category that supposedly gets the help??? Not sure i followed, and i've invited her to share the information with me that she mentioned... but i haven't heard back from her yet. I might try sending another email ~ for what it's worth.

The testing was something new for us. It's standardized testing, like the CTBS tests that I used to do in school. We did the usual year end report with portfolio, etc. for Brenden, but the other three did the testing. When i first got all the information and books, it was a bit overwhelming, but i managed to figure it all out just fine and enjoyed it (mostly). Janique got really frustrated with it ~ she doesn't really perform as well under pressure, so when the timer went and she wasn't done, it really disturbed her. I think we managed to make an ok arrangement there (allow her to finish, but make a note of where she was at when the timer went, and just score her on what she had done up to there). Then her second test, she messed up when she accidentally skipped a page, but kept going in sequence on her answer sheet. That one was a bit of a mess, and she scored poorly as a result. She did have a few good ones, but then the math tests were a real challenge for her. She's really struggling there ~ maybe more than i thought. Some of her scoring was certainly affected by the time limit, but i wonder if it might be beneficial to have her tested for a possible (mild) learning issue. (When/if we ever get there with Brenden ~ and, btw, a cousin mentioned a pediatrician that might be worth seeing... altho it likely wouldn't be an "official" diagnosis, it might be a place to begin, and it sounds like there is a support group with resources or something??). Darwin & Reagan enjoyed the testing, and both did really well overall. Darwin was a bit weak in math (which we already knew), but scored really high in most other areas (higher than i expected). Reagan shows weakness in grammer and comprehension (which i expected as well), but fine everywhere else, and especially strong in math. I'm wondering if it might be beneficial to have Janique checked for a possible (minor) learning issue.

Jonathan's workplace finally (last week) went to 3 shifts (milking)/day, so he doesn't have to get up at 3am anymore! 5am is nicer. But, they only have one person for the night shift, so it's taking a bit longer, and is more work intense. Because it's not ideal to have someone working alone, they suggested maybe our boys wanted to come and help (with post-dipping and cleaning ~ we won't send them to get cows because there is a bull in one of the groups, and it's just too dangerous for them anyway). Darwin went the first time, and was able to help some, but because he's still so short it is really too dangerous. By the time he can reach the cows (the utter), his head is too close and at risk if the cow decided to kick. Still, both Brenden & Darwin went along the second time... they got home at 3:30am. YUCK! That doesn't make it a whole lot better than the early morning shift, except that we're hoping he won't have too many night shifts. And, if he works the night, he gets the next morning off. Of course, the whole schedule is different again... another adjustment. We're curious for the end of the month to see what (if any) his raise is going to be. Not that we're expecting anything too significant. Jonathan had already told me earlier that he's decided to find something else. He's missing out on too much family life ~ when he isn't at work, he's too tired to do much. The other day the kids went to my sister's place for a few hours, so i was looking forward to some time at home with just Jonathan... he slept most of the time.

He hasn't heard back from any of the places he's applied recently (only two places, but still). Maybe it's time to follow up. And i think he might need to change his resume ~ it's heavy with his computer training, etc. and most of these jobs aren't that reliant on computer training (altho the computer skills are an asset and certainly worth mentioning). If only he wasn't always too busy at work, or too tired from work, to actually do the follow up. Today i've been really frustrated with his job again because i was anxiously waiting for him to get home this morning to discuss a bunch of things (some of them a bit time-sensitive)... and he ended up staying at work. Sometimes the unpredictability is annoying.

Adoption? Jonathan finally got to talk with the social worker about 2 weeks ago. She's not exactly sure how it all works from the adoption end of it since she works more with the fostering part, but of course, the best case senario would be to keep all three children together. I don't see that as ideal for us (long explanation), altho we haven't met the middle child, so we're not really sure what he's like. The SW doesn't really think they will all go together, but if we were trying to adopt just one or two, we could end up fostering to adopt for a year and then have to give her/them up if someone wanted all three. I tried to call our adoption worker last week, but didn't get a reply and didn't try again. I'm just not as sure about this one as Jonathan is, so i'm leaving it up to him to get the information.

My heart, i think, still seems to be turned toward Ethiopia, but it seems Jonathan is more interested in pursuing this little girl/family... so it kind of feels like maybe we're not quite on the same page at this point. Part of me is feeling a little impatient at just being in limbo, but another part of me is at peace... trusting God to work it all out in His good time. Today, with my frustration about Jonathan's job (and maybe the disappointment of him not coming home this morning), i feel like just giving up on the whole thing. But i'm pretty sure that won't happen. I think it will keep coming back until it happens (the idea of adoption).

I suggested the other night that we all pray and ask God to give us dreams of the child(ren) we should pursue adopting (more specifically, either the little girl Jonathan wants, or Ethiopian adoption). The kids didn't have any dreams that they remembered. Jonathan's dream was about this little girl, and my dream was that we were adopting a sweet 3yr.old African boy. Lol... so i'm not sure if we're any further ahead there either. I did find it interesting though that my dream was about a boy... if it had been purely based on my desires, it would've been a girl. (Did my new baby-sitting job influence me?? I'm watching two little boys ~ 2 & 4yrs. old).

I started my baby-sitting job on Tuesday. It's part-time, and it seems to be a good fit for us so far. The boys like to go from one thing to the next fairly quickly, so we'll have to find balance in that. The first day they were really clingy and didn't want their mom to leave, but the minute she was out of sight they started talking and playing, and the next day they were asking to come back.

Oh, starting in August, i'll probably be watching my sister's boys one or two days/week. Those boys keep us BUSY! I wouldn't be interested in every day, but she asked me for one day/week, and that i can probably do (if nothing else, let the kids earn some extra money ~ altho i could use it too). And this would only be until they could find a replacement for her at the pizza place so that she can be home with her boys. (Her husband is finally back to work full time, so they're managing financially ~ in fact, she said she's basically working to pay for daycare since their funding got cut due to income).

sorry this is so long... i guess i had some catching up to do

I was just looking for some info about our home school year end reporting stuff, and came across a paper from Saskatchewan Learning that was sent to us in a recent mailing from our local school division. On there I found information saying that school divisions are required to provide access to testing & diagnosis at our request. It also states that "home-based students with designated disabilities receive provincial financial support."

I'm so excited and so upset ~ excited to have the information on paper from Sask. Learning, and upset that we haven't been getting any of this in spite of having asked for it, etc. Besides that, I'm frustrated that we've been so complacent about it all this time... always just accepting what they say, and doing our best with what we have... la de da. Part of that too has been a desire to have as little "interference" as possible with our home schooling and recognizing that what they think is best for him might not be what we think is best for him, in which case, we might be better off without their help. Not sure if that makes sense, but hopefully...

Now I am ready to advocate for my son! I've sent an email to our facilitator asking if there is someone in the local school division we need to talk with, or if we should be going directly to Sask. Learning. I'm ready to go to our MP if necessary... (time for quiet little me to get out of my "middle child" personality and pretend i'm a firstborn?? lol).

Changing gears again??

Life can be really quite interesting...

My sister & bil are foster parents, and one of their first placements included a little 2yr. old girl. We had her over one or two times, and she really took well to us. At one point, I was sitting on the floor playing with her. She wandered off to the piano, and I just sat and watched her. I got thinking about our plans to adopt, and wondered how the bonding and adjustments would go with adopting an older child (older as in not a baby) ~ just trying to think realistically about it, and wondering if the child(ren) would connect with us easily... stuff like that. I was quietly thinking this all to myself, and just like that, this little girl turned around, ran toward me, and threw her arms around me. That moment felt like a "God moment" ~ confirmation that it would all work out just fine, and that adoption was/is the right direction for us.

This little girl really took to Jonathan too ~ frequently running up to him to be held, and to hug him. She really liked my dad too. At a family gathering, she ran back and forth between several of us, just coming for love, and when she started to get grumpy, Jonathan just held her and she went to sleep in his arms. My dad suggested, "why don't you just adopt her?" (rather than international adoption). Well, we didn't think it'd be an option. The waiting list for adoption is usually pretty long, although most people are probably waiting to adopt infants.

We were saddened when we found out that she'd been moved to a different foster home, but this is life, right?

Well, this afternoon, my sister called to tell me she'd talked with a social worker. Apparently this little girl will be eligible for adoption later on this summer... and my sister told the social worker about a comment Jonathan had made at one point ~ he said, "I'd adopt her in a heart beat." The social worker told her to put a bug in our ears... that we should apply. She herself would do our home study. My sister didn't mention that we already have four children, so I'm curious to find out if that would be an issue. We called and left a message for the social worker, and we're waiting to hear back from her. It sounded like she'd be out most of the day, and by now I don't expect to hear from her until for sure tomorrow.

Our children are all excited about the possibility (well, Brenden's excitement is his usual "fine if we do, fine if we don't" with a smile on his face)... so that's a plus. I'm a bit mixed with my emotions... but certainly open to the possibility of God's leading here. Might sound strange, but in thinking international adoption, we were pretty much set on adopting 2 children. If we adopt one now (locally), would we still go for two from Ethiopia later? But I don't need to be living too far into the future, right? Just allow God to lead one step at a time... and keep praying!

Oh, when I mentioned this all to Jonathan, he told me that he's still been praying for this little girl. I'm encouraged!

Again... it's all part of the process one way or another. If it doesn't work out for us to adopt her, we will have learned something and/or be more prepared for whatever or wherever God is leading.

Hmm... where was i at??

I don't remember for sure what i was going to mention about the adoption stuff last time, so i'll just go with where i'm at today :-)

We heard back from three of the four independent practitioners that we emailed last week. The first one that we heard back from sounds the most interested in doing our home study, so we will most likely go with her. There is one other one we might consider since she was recommended to us by another family who just adopted from Ethiopia... but i guess there's a few things we'll have to weigh out.

I'm really enjoying the international adoption message board that i was introduced too ~ it's encouraging and inspiring, and keeps me wanting to move forward with adoption. At the same time, i do have mixed emotions from time to time, but it seems that God is leading and speaking in and through so many things that we still feel like we're "on track" although the time frame isn't clear.

Jonathan applied for a different job today ~ we found a job listing in a nearby town, and it sounds/looks like something he might enjoy at a wage we would really appreciate! They are taking resumes for another week or so, and then they'll do interviews. It would be hard for him to leave the farm short-handed (he would give sufficient notice, but it's still hard to walk away from such nice people), but he's tired! Too many hours (and too early in the am) for the pay, and too many other factors that come with the territory there. One other employee just gave notice that she's leaving, so they'll be looking for someone else now too, and another employee is talking of leaving too... possibly by the end of the month as well. So if Jonathan left too soon, it would be a big blow to the farm, and we don't really want to do that either, but if this other job comes to him it would be very tempting to take it. More prayers for direction...

Actually, i've been struggling with the idea of "being content" and even just struggling to know what that really means ~ considering 1 Tim.6:8 "But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." And the verses before and after that talking about the love of money, and how destructive it can be...

Does contentment always mean that we shouldn't strive for more? I know it's not just about the money... and in this situation, we're annoyed at the amount of time and energy that goes into the job. If it was our own farm where we were working at something together, and the children (or I) could be working "with" Jonathan, a 50-hour week wouldn't be a big deal. But here he is away from home so many hours of the day, and too tired when he is home, to really interact and "parent" a lot. So we all just feel like something has to give.

There are times when people say things like "that's all he's getting paid?? he should be getting at least ____!" And, "i don't know how you do it on such a small (single) income!" and i probably feed my sense of discontent and think about how poor we are... rather than recognizing that money isn't that big of a deal, and rearranging my focus. Truth is, we have a small income, and a BIG GOD! Every comment we get should be an opportunity for us to glorify God and testify to His goodness! We have everything we need and a whole lot more! We don't have everything we "want" but we have all we need. In most situations, appliances and furniture deteriorate and eventually break down, but that doesn't mean ours has to, right? The Bible also teaches us not to worry about tomorrow... tomorrow will worry about itself.

So I'm honestly not sure where "contentment" fits in the big picture here... or where I need to be at in all of it. In talking briefly with my sister earlier today, I kind of came to thinking that i just need to surrender myself and desires to God ~ and ask Him to give me contentment if this is where He wants us, or to continue to give us discontent (and direction!) if He wants us somewhere else.

Wow, i need to be posting more often. So much is happening that i can't "keep up" here ~ ha ha.

Ok, we did garage sale again last weekend since the weekend before didn't do as well as we'd hoped, and because it was convenient since it was all set up anyway. I almost couldn't have cared less, but my friend was really hoping to get rid of more stuff, so we did a little on Thursday, a good chunk of Friday, and then again Saturday morning (which i thought we had decided not to do when I agreed to let her stay Friday night when i had to take Reagan for a soccer game), but whatever... it all worked out ok. I didn't have high expectations for this weekend since it wasn't town-wide sales, so what we did sell was just nice to get rid of (and money we didn't have before). But it sure made for a busy weekend, and the house really showed the results later. (Think about 8 children, water fights, sandbox, dirt, feeding all these mouths, but being available to run out for customers at any point... ya, you probably get the picture ~ lol). The tables we used were borrowed from the church, and needed to be back for Saturday night, so that was priority after lunch (and lunch was probably close to 2pm ~ lol).

Then we had been tentatively planning for care group at our house for Saturday night (our house is the only one that is really suitable for us all at this point), but fortunately that got changed to Sunday night. About Thursday or so i found out i was serving at a function at church on Sunday afternoon, so that meant (as far as i could figure out) that any work i wanted to get done before care group, HAD to be done on Saturday. But I also needed to put together my Sunday school lesson before Sunday morning. The kids were not super helpful, and Jonathan was somewhere between tired and a sore back, so i didn't get a lot of help there either. Altogether it didn't make for a very relaxed or content "mom/wife" but i tried not to stress too much either. I would only do what i could practically do, and that would be good enough.

Care group went ok (i ended up having enough time between lunch and serving to get a few things ready, and Jonathan & the kids were more helpful then too). Some of the others brought some snacks too, so that worked out well (plus we ended up with some left-overs at the church event that we could serve that evening as well). I think i finally identified why i'm not relaxed at care group with little Robbie (my nephew) here... because of his Down Syndrome, he's a very busy boy. Our kids are trying to "baby-sit" downstairs so the adults can have uninterrupted time to watch the video (we're going through a series by Gary Smalley about relationships), but Robbie keeps coming upstairs, and because he's so strong, the kids can't really force him to stay, and we don't want to do that anyway... but he is a distraction upstairs. If they try too hard, he cries and wants "mommie." I feel badly when she can't just relax and watch, but he really is too much for our children to keep too long... so i'm feeling "responsible" for my kids keeping him happy/content, and yet i know it's an unrealistic expectation, so i don't push them too hard on that. The best thing would be for someone nearby to watch him in their home. His parents would like that too, and they do have funding for baby-sitting because of his special needs, but have a hard time getting sitters.

Darwin is excited to have been called back to work for the chicken farm. We weren't sure if they'd need him since it sounded like he was just filling in for someone else last time, but they did call him back. So I think he'll be doing about two days / week (today was only an hour ~ they worked hard/fast, but usually not more than two hours) for 4 weeks or so, then two weeks off, and again for 4 weeks... something like that, but no idea how long again.

Talking about jobs... it looks like i have a part-time baby-sitting job starting at the end of June. I've pondered what I could do to help us out a bit financially, and the idea of baby-sitting started to sit ok with me in the last week or so. I was kind of praying for direction, and i think God may have placed that desire there to take in a few children. I thought maybe i'd check into it at our family resource center ~ they have a list for those needing sitters and/or wanting to provide child care, but before i got there, i saw an ad at the post office/store and called the family. I was thinking maybe a summer job, but if this one works out ok it'd be ideal for us as a home school family since it's mostly just a few hours in the afternoon, but with flexibility for extra hours, and a few short mornings and full days. It was kind of funny... she & her boys came to meet us this afternoon, and after chatting and all, we made the connection that we're related (it took me that long to recognize her too ~ which is crazy cause Jonathan said he remembers her from when she worked at the store, etc. so i know i've had to have seen her often enough, but never made the connection ~ lol ~ i'm just not a "people person" i guess). So it looks like God may have answered this prayer before it was really spoken... and how possibly ideal.

Well, i've got a few more thoughts (more about the adoption stuff) but it's getting late, so i'll save it :-)

I've emailed all the potential independent practicioners (there's 4 available locally at the time) with questions about home study, so we'll see what kind of replies we get. We're not in a hurry ~ too many things still up in the air ~ but at least one of them apparently isn't available until September, so it doesn't hurt to begin asking questions now. I'm thinking too that we might ask God for a deadline in waiting to hear about the local adoption, but again, i'm not feeling pushy or like i'm in a rush... just would like a better sense of direction before too long.

InCENTive

Lol... Brenden came up with that pun. Our kitchen floor hadn't had a proper cleaning for a while, so i decided to have some fun with it ~ or give the kids some fun with it. I took pennies, nickels, & dimes, and put one on each square. For every square the kids cleaned, they could keep the money that was on it. They had a few rules (to eliminate them cleaning only squares with dimes ~ lol), but they had fun, and the kitchen floor is looking pretty good in very short time. Brenden said the money was a good "inCENTive."

I talked with the person today who mentioned the possibility of a local adoption ~ he doesn't think that they have chosen someone else, but it sounds like they may be having a hard time with the decision, and might be reconsidering. We had almost put the idea behind us by now, but maybe we shouldn't do that just yet. Maybe it is still a possibility. Of course we'd be happy for them if they decided to keep the children (they are family after all), but i find myself wondering if this might be why we're feeling a bit like we're "on hold" for the time being. (And why we didn't make enough money at our garage sale to pay for a home study?? or win $5000?? lol).

I'd really like for Jonathan to have a better idea where he's at with his job/careers too... yesterday he was talking about going back to welding, possibly at a place where they might get him his journeyman's qualifications, at which point he could likely make it on his own quite well. If the farm would give him a $3/hr raise he might be happy to stay there ~ lol. (side note... i'd like to know how much the idea of organic dairy is still in his head/heart... either cows or goats). You know... there's a vacant farm nearby that doesn't seem to selling yet (and they've dropped the price), even though the housing market is going crazy around here ~ in some cases, houses selling for more than their listing price due to bidding wars... ??? God, where do YOU want us?

So much up in the air...

But today i had a picture of how i'm a bit like Peter who courageously stepped out onto the water, and as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus (faith), he stayed on top of the water, but when he began to look at the circumstances (reality) around him, he began to sink. I can't believe it took me this long to see this picture as it might relate to me. My intentions were not to take my eyes off of Jesus ~ i just wanted to be SURE without a shadow of a doubt that it was Jesus who told me to "come" (or adopt), and not just a brainwave that i came up with on my own. So when my brother emailed me about his concerns (mostly financial, but he threw in a few other things as well), i guess it was like he was telling me about the waves around me (all the possibilities that could seem difficult, trying, or ...impossible), and i decided to take another look. I know it wasn't his intention to take my eyes off of Jesus (one comment he made was that sometimes we want something so badly that we are sure it is God's will for us, so he was suggesting that we be sure), but maybe he hadn't seen Jesus in this picture yet??, and wanted to warn me of the waves?? Hmm...

So why am i still questioning God and asking for clarity? Where's the faith that I thought i had previously ~ believing that my healing will be completed as we move forward with the adoption stuff?? Well, maybe it's the fact that i recognize that faith "in faith" isn't enough (meaning, just because i decide to believe something doesn't mean it's going to happen/be that way)... while there is a lot of good to be said about positive thinking, positive thinking alone isn't going to hold me up on a chair with broken legs. ?? make any sense??

Well, in the midst of it all, I want to praise God! He knows what He's doing, He loves me in spite of myself, and even when/if things aren't clear, and might not make sense, I can rest in Him, trusting Him to work it all out for His glory. That's not to say i can passively sit and watch life go by while i "wait"... I believe He's given me things to do as i wait, and I don't want to miss those opportunities and blessings either...

On second thought...

Lol... i think i'll just pick up where we're at and not bother trying to post all my previous entries from my previous blog. It's taking me too long to get to them all, while i could just be sharing about today (and yesterday, and the last week, or two...).

Actually, it's been about a month since my last blog entry, so i'm feeling like i'm way behind already, but not much has been "happening" as far as the adoption thing is concerned anyway.

I've been dealing with some discouragement lately, although the last week has been much better again. There were several things that seemed to "come at me" in a short time that threw me off, and i think my hormones were out of balance too. I found myself tempted to just give up the idea of international adoption. I was considering handing all the papers/information over to Jonathan and telling him to just do with them whatever he wanted, but somehow i couldn't bring myself to that point. In fact, later that evening when i suggested to him what i'd been thinking earlier, he was going to just put them on the floor for the time being (this was at bed-time) ~ where i knew they'd quickly get burried under his clothes and stuff, or pushed under the bed, etc. I suggested there was a folder in the filing cabinet where he could put them if he felt like it :-) ...lol.

Several of the incidents had to do with family members, but i won't go into details. I don't think any of them had bad motives, but i still felt somewhat attacked... and so when i also had some physical issues to deal with, it all just about seemed like too much ~ like maybe adoption wouldn't be such a good thing for us.

One of the verses that came to me more than once is Galatians 5:7 "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and ketp you from obeying the truth?" Luke 9:62 is another one that i've thought of ~ where Jesus is talking about those who put their hand to the plow and look back...

I recognized that it wasn't a good time to make any decisions, so we decided to just wait it out, and see what the next week brought.

Can't remember the exact dates, but "the next week" brought some encouragement. One of my cousins connected us with a friend of hers who has recently adopted from Ethiopia, so this lady called me. It was refreshing to talk about adoption again, and encouraging to hear her thoughts, experiences & perspectives. This lady also told me about a message board for Canadians considering (and pursuing) international adoption. That message board is a great source of encouragement and support, and has already helped me feel like we're getting back on track with things... although, a little more slowly or cautiously perhaps. Of course, part of the "slow" is that we can't really get much further without money. And we were nearly to that point anyway, where we'd be ready and just waiting for the money to be in place ~ for home study, and the retainer agreement for the agency to begin actually "working" with/for us.

Property taxes are due about this time of year (end of May for the best discount, end of June for partial discount), so since we didn't have money saved for that, it'll be a bit tight as it is. We're also planning to build a deck for our back door ~ nothing too extravagant, but still, it will cost money. Jonathan's parents are hoping to come out in June/July and his dad is hoping to help us build a deck. We don't want to say no to that kind offer (they suggested it).

We had a garage sale this last weekend, and i was hopeful that we'd make quite a bit of money there, but the turn out wasn't nearly as good as usual, so we didn't do too well. Better than nothing though.

So there's a little update on us...

Moving...

...my blog that is.

Long story, but i felt i needed to move to a new blog to continue posting freely about the things going on in my life. To keep things kind of flowing, beginning with our possible adoption journey, i've decided to transfer some previous posts/ journal entries to my new blog, so bear with me while i try to "catch up."

Thanks :-)